...is not for me.
Some well-meaning people have suggested I could lose da bloos if I went out and Gave My Time for A Good Cause. I imagine they're thinking of homeless shelters, church programs and stuff like that.
Nuh-uh. Not this boy.
It's not as if I've never done that. Years ago I spent a summer volunteering as a tutor in a federal feel-good/eat-up-tax-dollars program. No money, but the satisfaction of Helping sort of thing. The paid administrators (as big a bunch of equal-opportunity screwups as you could ever hope to meet) made it next to impossible to actually help anyone. In fact, the goal seemed to be to have a building with fancy offices in it for people whose enthusiasm for drinking from the public trough far exceeded their abilities.
Feeling used and useless after that experience, I tried other forms of volunteer work at various times. I always got into conflicts; I wanted to do things, while those in charge wanted to plan to do things and talk to the press.
And of course I have done more than my share of involuntary volunteer work, the kind where you expect pay but don't get any, and are told you should simply take away the satisfaction of A Job Well Done.
Like most people, I've given a fair amount of help to individuals. Too often, I've felt I put in far more than I got back. That's un-Christian of me, I guess, but then I'm not a Christian. So there.
My model for volunteers I did not want to emulate comes from newspapers and TV. You know the kind: "Ms Liz Poontweent is seen handing a 100% synthetic-fiber blanket to little Esteban Torres, age 3, at the annual Blankets for Babies dinner and charity auction held at the Imsorich Country Club last night...."
Between past experiences and a need to scuffle to stay above water these days, I'm not feeling charitable at all.
Let's get right to the point: what I need is for someone to take me on as a volunteer project. I have a good idea of who and what the ideal candidate for this rewarding position would be, and can supply a list of necessary qualifications and duties (not exactly difficult or unpleasant ones at that) to interested applicants.
Who knows? It could become a full-time gig for the right person.
Might even convince me to attempt Good Deeds again.
54 minutes ago