Monday, August 13, 2007

Biting my tongue...

...figuratively, at least. I don't use my tongue to type. Even though it might be more efficient than the three or four fingers I normally use....

No, I'm holding back because what I want to say would be offensive as hell. That wouldn't bother me if it offended those it should offend. But since I don't know the identities of everyone who reads this -- just some, thank you Sitemeter -- I can't be sure those I'm most angry with are bothering to check out my words.

Basically, the issue is this: I read (or know of) journals where women constantly complain that men are creeps, jerks, two-timers, losers, manipulators, and on and on and on.

One the other hand, I know all too well that men -- including at least one whom I initially considered a likely rakehell and womanizer -- are being severely damaged by women who use men's affections as temporary palliatives while they wait for the next victim to come along.

Men, I can say from a lifetime of being one, are chumps. We are far more honest than the female of the species is willing to admit. At some point, we find a woman who brings our dreams and desires to life, and we offer ourselves up to her. And when we do, it's unconditional.

Not every man acts this way. Just more of us than women think.

I've been there. Boy, have I. I put myself on the line and got righteously stomped for it. The truly sick part of the deal is this: though burned, I would walk right back into the same freekin' fire. With the same woman/women.

I have come to the conclusion that modern men are more into the mate-for-life bit than women.

But I'm not the sole example. I know of several other dudes who went down the same path, and had their heads (so to speak) handed to them in a way roughly similar to what I experienced.

Don't think of this as some kind of weird male-bonding, woman-hating rap. If the guys I'm thinking of were competing against me for the same woman, I'd do all I could to see that they ended up sleeping with the fishes. I'm not going to "bond" with a guy who's looking to get where I wanna be; it's every dog for himself.

But I still hurt when I see other men going through the same painful experiences I've had. Knowing that a fair number of chicas happily rant on, without being challenged, about what swine we are makes it worse.

I'll say right here that if you are a woman and you want to tell me that you are different, that you are faithful, honest and trustworthy, it's not necessary. I suspect you are as you represent yourself. I've met some.

But there are plenty of sharkettes out there just waiting to bite.

And, with some exceptions, we males are ready to accept the word of said sharkettes if they decide to come back for another bite that it won't hurt next time. Men are more forgiving than many women think.

God knows there are two women whom I would welcome back with open arms and a trusting heart, even though that seems a recipe for sheer disaster.

Just can't help myself.

I'm willing to bet, in the cases I am most familiar with, that other guys would do the same, act the same.

What it comes down to is that the rules have changed and we haven't gotten the word yet.

Men, as I said before, are chumps. And, until the excrement hits the rotary ventilation device, we enjoy it.

In my life, I have proposed marriage to three women. One accepted, and did things that made me regret it. Either of the other two would find the offer still open if they returned. Which they won't.

I see other poor bastards in the same position, and I feel for them.

Guess I didn't hold back as much as I intended to when I started this screed. Sorry 'bout that.

Just remember, ladies, that this doesn't necessarily apply to you. Unless it does.


Anonymous said...

You are absolutely right. Lou

lowandslow said...

Stereotypes are wrong more often than not. Some men are indeed after one thing only and will say "whatever it takes". But most men (me for one) are just good-hearted loving creatures who put their ladies on a pedestal and adore them. That's blown up in my face before, too, so I know how you feel, Scribbs. And I suspect most women want to accept and respond in kind, although some are looking out only for #1.

What was it Ronald Reagan once said..."Trust, but verify." Maybe that could be bastardized to apply here.

MrScribbler said...

Lou -- I knew a woman who doesn't fit into the group I'm talking about would comment!

EarlGrey said...

Submitting myself as potentially being one of the chumps and a self-proclaimed "nice guy," I will say that after having done the pedestal thing and made the offer with a certain person who would rather remain with a physically and emotionally abusive partner than be with me, I sadly say "so be it" and walk away.

One day she may regret her decision but I hope and pray that by then, I'll be long off the market.

betty said...

You're so right. I even left a group of friends that gathered in our chatroom because all they did was call their husbands creeps and worse.

A couple that we knew, she was a terror, always hitting him and starting fights. He never fought back. We never figured out why he stayed with her.

Anonymous said...

I feel it is a man's world, and I often think that is because, around my house I MAKE it a man's world. I will bend over backwards to keep Ricardo happy, because it makes all of us happy for him to be happy...and not only happy but, content, at peace, unstressed, etc. He's a type A guy, I sort of go before him trying to get that not to show up.
I am not always successful, but when I am, our life is a lot more fun.
I guess , like my children, he is a bit spoiled.

John said...

Some of it may be generational I think, as far as how we think of things, at this point in our lives, anyway.
I, too, get offended and tired of hearing women lump all men into a handy group to hate. And there is plenty of it, and plenty of encouragement from others.

I am uncomfortable with too much bashing either way. In some venues it seems the man bash is more OK and prevalent than the other way around. TV and politics have pushed it farther than it would have naturally gone. And friggin fwd fwd emails. People are so easily influenced

The double standard is here to stay, but I hope the hostile imbalance is not.

Anonymous said...

Very interesting post for several reasons.

I disagree about stereotypes being wrong more often than right. If that were the case, they would vanish.

It feels like the dynamics between men and women will never be the same as they were a few decades ago. Whether that is a good thing or not I suppose depends on your age and gender.

Anonymous said...

I think men usually befriend/use women "for sex" whereas I know MANY women who think it's okay to use MEN as support systems for their entire life--food, money, a place to live, and many of them do this with the attitude, "Well, he'll do until someone better comes along."

(Excepting these pieces of crap you see on Springer and Maury...I'd like to believe they are the exception and not the rule.)

Don't get me wrong, men are pigs, but I think when women take the same approach of "using" someone, they take it to a whole new level.