Saturday, August 18, 2007

Saturday night is the loneliest night...

...and all that highly devoted horse dung.

This has been a week that will Live in Infamy. Despite having made elaborate plans for improvement (all of which involve busting my nalgas to do Good Stuff), I'm not holding out much hope for next week, either....

Hell, I was seriously down last night, too. I dropped a note to a friend last evening:

Getting seriously bummed. Read an obit for a guy I knew, though not well. It was the usual b.s., but at least he left a loving wife and kiddies.

If I tapped out tonight, I would just disappear. No wife, no kids, no nothing. Online people would miss me, but I'd just be gone.

Some people would be relieved, I think.


That's a heck of a note. "Survived by ex-girlfriends, creditors and editors for whom he hadn't completed all his assignments."

I was further brought down by hearing about a study done by a UC Berkeley big-dome. He did some sort of analysis of the number of partners men and women claimed to have done the Horizontal Mambo with. Men, of course, claimed more.

The prof claimed it was mathematically impossible for men to have gotten down so many more times than babes.

That's a matter of total indifference to me. I am, as in so many other instances, a dull normal, poon-wise.

After the age of 20 or thereabouts, who expects to find virgins, anyway? And who wants to go through that scene more than once?

I have never cared who came along before me. Don't want to know who has been there before, thank you.

Considering the relative ease with which one may take blood tests -- I've done it, more as a matter of courtesy than any fear that I picked up some Loathsome Disease along the way -- it's irrelevant.

Simply put, I want to be the last, not the first.

But right now, I'm more-or-less nothing. Neither first nor last.

I'm exposing myself to some intensive Count Basie Therapy tonight. The arrangements written for Bill's Big Band -- by Frank Foster, Ernie Wilkins and Neal Hefti -- never fail to get me rockin'. Thad Jones, Frank Wess, and the rest always make me want to get out there and make some sounds.

And when The Count says "let's try it one more once!" at the end of the great Wild Bill Davis version of "April in Paris," it makes me feel ready to take the dive again.

If my love would talk to me, I'd say "let's try it one more once" to her, too.

I see her as I do myself: it doesn't matter where you've been; it matters where you're going.

Jazz can really keep you from getting your mind right, Jim.

But that's how I am.

9 comments:

lowandslow said...

I agree...no sense looking back. The important thing is, "I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was."

What puzzles me is, I've always heard that a single, "older" man (relax, I'm not calling you "old") is MUCH in demand, as there are so many more "older" divorced/widowed women looking for companionship/romance. You would be an incredible catch, Scribbs. I think you need to get a new publicist. :)

MrScribbler said...

l&s -- when you've seen the best, everything else just doesn't cut it.

DAL said...

As delightful as it might be to have the one woman in a million, I would likely always be looking over my shoulder for competition gaining on me.

I think any loving female companionship is better than unattainable female companionship.

Your mileage obviously will vary.

Anonymous said...

I've always maintained that the best way to find a woman is to stop looking. They sense it.

Instead, find something you truly want to do, and go do it. When you're entertaining yourself, you'll be inifinitely more attractive.

Still, I have also sat around listening to the blues far longer than is healthy, so I shouldn't give advice. Hope it turns around!
-nullmuse

MrScribbler said...

null & dal -- I can only be what and who I am. If I was good at fakin' it, I'd be in a different place right now....

Birdie said...

I have to agree with nullmuse.... but you already know that! :-)

Anonymous said...

I do believe you find it when you least expect it. At least that's how it always worked for me. I hope you find it soon.

Gill

sugarcane said...

Cliche yes, but I wish you could see what we all see in you. Maybe seeing it in yourself first will help that lovely lady you're waiting to meet to see it too.

John said...

I hope one day we meet up in person. I'm bringing my Pavlov electro shock rig.
More is possible than meets the eye.
This battle of the mid life single man blues ain't lost yet dammit. Don't believe it is.
Have to agree with nullmuse on this. I do not see that as faking it. That is different.