...all you want to do is put your head down and say: "make it stop."
That's where I am tonight.
Unfortunately, no one is listening. At least no one who can soothe away the pain.
PARENTHETICAL YEAH-I'M-A-WIMP THOUGHT: I know this makes me sound weak. No one wants to be around a weak man, right? But we are not invulnerable, and honesty is not weakness. Besides, we don't want to get into the support mechanisms some women who diss "weak" men can -- and do -- rely on, do we?
I'm too tired, too frustrated, too angry, too lonely to put words together. I've tried, turning out six entries this afternoon. Each should have been written in invisible ink, and thus was deleted.
No doubt I'll face tomorrow with more energy, if I can sleep tonight.
But I have to wonder how many more times I can jump back into the same old pit with nothing more than the same old results to show for it.
I know what people might say about this, just as I know what those more closely involved would say if they knew how much they have worn me down.
I don't care. The time comes when it's just too damn much.
8 hours ago