Tomorrow is...

...Father's Day.

My father died 17 years ago. My "second father," with whom I was far closer in many respects, died two years ago.

Until fairly recently, when it was pretty late, I felt absolutely no desire to become a father. I have dated -- and shared premises with -- women with children, but there was little interaction; the kids were older, and had relationships with their natural fathers.

My situation as of, say three months ago, made me think I might inhert a family (so to speak), and become a kind of surrogate father, or at least a male presence in the lives of kids who need it. Their mother put the squash to that idea. Well, she put the sqaush to me; same result.

It's not as if I feel totally lost and useless as a result of continued non-daddy status. But I was fully up for the notion that I would have responsibility for a family.

That's heavy stuff. If nothing else, I wanted to ensure that other kids wouldn't be messed up as I was by my father. I've spent most of my adult life trying not to be like him. I don't know that he was inherently unfit for the role; I think the change from his previous life to the particular domestic situation he and my mother set up, plus the terrible relationship he had with his father, was more than he could deal with.

But never mind all that.

Tomorrow is indeed Father's Day, and part of me wishes I was among those being recognized for their paternal service tomorrow.

That I didn't join the ranks of the male parental units can only be ascribed to the right woman not being around at the right time.

I admire and salute all fathers who have reared their children with care and affection.

Those of you who have sired offspring, or raised others' children, and who love and protect and teach them, are heroes in my book.

So enjoy your day.