Saturday, September 22, 2007

There are things I shouldn't write about...

...and these comments involve two of them, particularly at a time when I'm wondering if I have ever understood (or ever will understand) women.

More and more often -- perhaps because I'm sensitized to it by having been severely bitten -- there are two things many women say and feel that just strike me as plain wrong.

The first we might call "the Security Syndrome," which is totally at odds with the "I am Woman, Strong and Independent, Syndrome." I know damn well I have been ditched by at least two potential Mrs Scribblers because I couldn't hack being sole -- and generous -- support of either a woman alone or a woman plus bambini.

Not that I wouldn't have showered Eastern Girl or "Miss Wonderly" with all the money I could earn. I, like many men, am wired to support those we love, even if it means changing jobs or taking on the late-night second gig as a burrito-wrapper at Taco Bell.

But I didn't buy Microsoft stock when it was first offered, nor have I ever worked for a company with generous stock options. I didn't inherit wealth, either.

Eastern Girl was used to money, and I don't blame her for being uncomfortable with the notion that I might consume more than I contributed. Had the tables been turned, I would not have minded at all, but again, when you don't know how to go from luxury to very modest living, it's difficult to deal with.

"Miss Wonderly" found guys with more coin who could giver her more, in a material sense, than I could.

PARENTHETICAL WHAT'S-LOVE-GOT-TO-DO-WITH-IT NOTE: I refuse to get into the notions of desire and affection. You can't eat or wear either. They mean more, it seems, to monetarily challenged but loving males than they do females with the tools to attract more tangible expressions of affection.

This is all a million miles away from what the same women will say when it suits them. They claim they'll do the live-in-a-cardboard-box gig For Love. As long as they can't trade the Current Guy in for someone who has excessive spondulicks.

But this is only part of what's bugging me. In fact, I can't say I wouldn't roll over on my back and waggle my paws for a wealthy dame, even if not dazzled by her other charms. Somehow, I have never attracted that kind of attention....

The other thing that bugs me is women telling each other that they need various kinds of surgical enhancements to be attractive. Among them, of course, what the late and much-missed Frank Zappa called the "silicone beef-up."

The fact that, when cornered, they blame men for the need to nip, tuck, enhance, increase, is totally irrelevant. Untrue, too.

"Miss Wonderly" was of the opinion I might find her undesirable when I viewed her in a state of deshabille. The problem? Her body carried the normal marks of child-bearing and (sorry!) age.

These had no negative effect on me, as similar "flaws" on other women failed to decrease my desire.

And I told them so, each and every one.

PARENTHETICAL FLASHBACK TO THE EARLY 80s NOTE: There was a time when I photographed a number of women in -- shall we say -- an unclad state for our mutual enjoyment. One who approached me had had a rather spectacular augmentation of her God-given resources. For me, it was a definite turn-off. She was far more attractive with her original small breasts. It was a matter of proportion and -- forgive me -- tactile sensation.

The men with whom I have discussed the concept of female alterations and adjustments have agreed, to a man, that we prefer natural, loving women to rebuilt huntresses out for the kill.

It is entirely possible that the guys with big bucks want physical perfection in return for their investment, but I wouldn't know about that. I don't approve of either men who buy women or women who allow themselves to be bought.

If I were to sum up all this babbling, I'd say that men -- the men I know -- are far more accepting and far less judgmental than too many women.

We don't give a happy damn about breast sizes, wrinkles, scars and sags, when we find the female that makes our hearts sing.

Too often, the women that affect us seem more interested in a ten-inch bank account than a loving, devoted personality.

If you -- especially the women -- wish to disagree, please accept my invitation to diss me, tell me how wrong I am, tell me what a creep I am.

But if you do, please tell me also why a guy who would crawl over broken glass to be with a woman who, flaws and all, he cherishes and, within his limits, would try to protect and care for, is alone on the latest of a thousand Saturday nights, okay?

After all, I -- who loved and would have suffered much to make either Eastern Girl or "Miss Wonderly" (both of whom told me they wanted to be with me) happy, am here by myself, and both of them are enjoying the attentions of others....


DAL said...

I shouldn't write about these things either, but I have written (but not posted) a rather long entry about journalspace and relationships. I will have to be truly down to go ahead and publish it. Or just pissed off.

I may be approaching both.

thelioness said...

I will not disagree with you on this one. I think women are their own worst enemies sometimes. I have considered writing about the topic lately. Maybe tomorrow. I'm sorry you haven't found the woman who appreciates just being loved. We (men and women) are taught so many wrong things in life that sometimes we can't see what is right. I hope you find that right woman soon and she sees how lucky she is. She's out there!

MrScribbler said...

dal -- Being down and pissed-off is a dangerous combination. Hence this entry.

You're a good guy, my brother, and we understand each others' pain, I think.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty comfortable with my body, child bearing, age and all.

What gets me is the men that are like the women you described with the money. Me, I live (very) modestly and for some reason, most men then think that I want something from them, which I don't. I had a man ask me recently if I knew how much money he made (he was sort of trying to be helpful) and I told him, no I don't know, and really, I don't want to know.


MrScribbler said...

SWG -- I doubt you'd mind if I wanted to protect and -- within my limits -- spoil you, simply because I loved you.

Lioness -- bless you, lady. Your man is damn lucky!

John said...

I think it is nature and that our idea of love in the last hundred years or so is an illusion. We grant to fate that which I think is a combination of choice and chemistry. "Re-invented" sex roles aside. In nature a pregnant woman requires protection and care, so they naturally seek security. That's why we are wired to protect, and if they see better digs being offered, they often defect.
Maybe it's my mood but I don't think love has a damn thing to do with it. Maybe after years it develops.
Women compete with each other for what the guy offers. Like it or not, that is mostly the way. If she is rich, he better be richer.
The plastic surgery is nuts. Maybe the product of mass propaganda.

Birdie said...

I agree with you! if you really care for someone, then it doesn't matter what they look like physically! why would people stay with someone who got in an accident with burns,etc.? ok, some people, men and women both, would jump ship, but when they are really in love, they stay.

We enhance our looks with make-up to attract and perhaps keep, but changing what nature bestowed us with will NOT change the person we are!

If those women chose money over love (and you), then it's THEIR loss! Will they be happy forever? I doubt it!

lowandslow said...

I've never been seriously involved with a woman from a family "of means". If I had I'd probably be very insecure, always wondering if she could make the step DOWN to where I was socially and just accept me for me. My income is up and down like a yo-yo, and I made clear to BK when we first met that we would probably have very good AND very bad times, and to not be dismayed when the financial bottom fell out. We have yet to experience that, but I'm comfortable that, with her background, she could/would stand solidly by me. Regarding, the surgical enhancement comment, I totally agree. If I didn't love the "REAL her", why would she think I'd love the "fake her"?

Kelly said...

As Lowandslow said - I am standing by him no matter what the bank account holds. Besides we have a pantry full of Ramen noodles for when things get dicey money wise. Besides I have been poor - really really really poor. Rich to me is still being able to go to the gas station and filling the tank in your car all the way up. Everything else is icing on the cake.

And I am not about to sit by if we were in a financial downturn and complain - I would help out get 2-3-4 jobs whatever is necessary. We are a team.

As far as plastic surgery - I have earned every scar and wrinkly - I am not giving them up.

Anonymous said...

I dated this older man who owned his own company back when I was 23. He tried to give me things, took me places way above my means and kept a very firm hold on me at all times in public.

But when it was just him and I back at his house, I rarely had his attention if we were not "in bed".

I woke up on the last of what had been many Sundays in his bed, naked and alone and realized, he only considered me property of his and at that time in my life, not what I wanted or how I wanted it.

I went to my home, packed up all the things he had given me, took them back to his place and left them on the lid of the toliet seat.

Why? cause that is where you leave crap and flush it out of your life.

Not all women follow money. It helps to be comfortable, to be able to pay the bills adequately and maybe a bit more; but it doesn't make least not for me. I need the personality, humor, openness and connection.


Anonymous said...

hey there...

Thank you for writing this. One of my posts deleted this past week aws along the same line of thought. With the INsignificant other in my "previous life" and my current significant other, I have a love/hate relationship that's like a teeter-totter right now. It's as though we're perfactly balanced and I'm waiting to see which direction it's going to go. Great post...thank you for the insight.... Bud

sugarcane said...

If I found a man who would crawl through broken glass to be with me, I'd take him in a heartbeat. Of course, I'd have to feel the same for him, but it wouldn't have crap to do with money.

A real woman is one who accepts her man for his character, morals, values, and inner strength, regardless of the size of his bank account. If she's out for the money, then she's not a good woman. Period.

Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic, but I'm waiting on the other side of that broken glass for my man.

joan said...

Ohhhh Scibs are generalizing again. Just because you don't, (and bless you for it) doesn't mean lots of men don't pick women based on their looks and lose interest in them when they lose them. A zillion men a day have their eye out for next year's model. Men do frequently suggest their girlfriends would look better with bigger breasts and sadly too many women buy into it. I snuck into the personals on Craigslist just now to see what men were asking for in a woman. This is from current entries:

"I am looking for an attractive woman to adorn my arm."
"Looks are important to me, i know that sounds shallow, but its true"
"Big boobs and a nice ass."
"im attractive myself and expect the same in a woman"

It is also true unfortunately that lots of women are going to be attracted to the possibility of a wealth lifestyle. A young man here recently announced he was giving up looking because the girls all listed $75,000 and up as the required salary range they were interested in. He is a student.

Of course these are from the unrealistic world of online dating ads. Ideally people would fall in love with the person then accept them warts and all and forever.

MrScribbler said...

Joan -- I hoped I put in enough qualifiers to make it clear this is based on my own experiences (and those of others I've known) and not everyone.

I can't imagine looking for love or even a casual relationship on Craigslist or any online site. As soon as one starts listing qualifications (aside from "washes regularly" or "no heroin addicts," maybe) one loses the chance to meet some wonderful people.

I'd rather be attacked by rabid ferrets than count potential suitor-ettes in or out based on a preordained list of "musts." If you saw the two women I mentioned, they are as unalike as two women can be and still share the same basic equipment. Ditto for a couple of others who cause small warm stirrings when I think of them.

There are plenty of shallow people out there, male and female. They are free to do as they wish, though I disapprove in general.

The only time it bugs me personally is when they falsely advertise that they are not, and thus get into my good graces.