Monday, December 11, 2006

Trying not to write...

...is what I've been doing all day. As a favor to all of you, you understand.

Nothing terribly bad has happened, and I suppose I should be grateful for that.

But I am in a strange, dislocated mood. And the things that could pull me back into a useful and worthwhile reality right now aren't happening either.

I am so tired of putting on a happy, positive and supportive face for the rest of the world when my own world is pretty damn grim. I know it could be a lot worse; what is it now is bad enough.

I don't ask for much, believe me.

But I guess I'm asking for too much.

I may sound like the proverbial broken record (do you remember records?) but the more I have to keep on without some simple needs being met, the more they become the sole focus of my thoughts.

That's the way it goes.

And that's the way it is.

10 comments:

wagner said...

i understand. being the supportive person with the happy face can be draining. sometimes you just want to stop and scream, "what about me?"

Interested said...

I usta have records and 45's too. Those were the days, yanno when you played em backwards to hear the hidden messages.

Haha!

I did that once.

I've been asking "what about me?" for years and has apparently fallen on deaf ears.

HarpO'Fly said...

I don't have the nerve to ask, "what about me". If the balance sheet gets checked, I might be in more trouble than I am now. As it is, I figure maybe I'm sliding under at least some of the radar.

MrScribbler said...

HO'F -- I guarantee that you're underestimating your position on the "positive" side of the balance sheet.

Seeing the names of the commenters here makes me wonder why those who deserve the most, in return for who they are and for what they do for others, are the ones who have to ask the question?

You three deserve it all, in my opinion.

betty said...

Every Christmas my kids spend most of the time with their dad and their spouses family. They come here, pick up their presents and say thanks, Mom and leave. 30 minutes tops, if that. I've wanted for years to yell WHAT ABOUT ME?? But haven't..and won't.:(

Anonymous said...

Don't I know it! The more you are missing something, the more you want it.

Hang in there, Scribbs.

I miss my records...

Gill

Anonymous said...

You're a genuinely nice person and there are so many people who genuinely don't deserve your constant niceness and supportiveness.

-Lauren

MrScribbler said...

lauren -- but there are so many who do....

Interested said...

All that comes to mind is this phrase, " no good deed goes unpunished."

KauaiFinn said...

this is one reason i enjoy my cleaning jobs. i can even CRY if i want to - while performing my tasks.

i've never been a "smilie" person. and i understand what you are saying VERY well. it is exhausting to put on the happy face when one simply is not happy (or in a horrible amount of pain).

So: it's your party and you can cry (or just sit there like a grouch) if you want to!

I hope you are feeling slightly better today... (?)

Sending you warm Hawaiian HUGS
and aloooooooHA!

p.s. - i miss my album collection... it was a small collection, but those albums were precious to me. :-(