Aide from doing some p.r. work on Saturday morning, I didn't do any work. Don't take that to mean these two days have been relaxing; I didn't do any work, but I worried about it. That's more difficult.
I realized today that I haven't been invited to a single corporate holiday/Christmas party this year. This will be the first time in almost 20 years that I haven't gone to (at the minimum) a grip-and-grin lunch, never mind an out-of-town all-day party/press event.
Does that bother me? Only in the sense that it suggests I may be falling off some lists. That's a Bad Thing.
I'm feeling curiously ambivalent about it. Part of me wants to put all that stuff, indeed the business I'm in, behind me. Another part would like to continue eating, which means doing both the work and the social interactions that go along with it.
Okay, I know there are some people who think I don't work at all. So here's a photo of me working up a bit of a sweat for my clients...
But that's irrelevant.
No matter how much work I do, I feel as if I'm always fighting a losing battle. At the end of the day, I'm still missing the really important parts of life, still battling to get control of the small stuff.
The Really Important Parts: sharing life with someone for whom I care, who cares for me. I'm purposely avoiding the word "love." I use that word sparingly, at least when it involves the female of the species. After the last, abortive expression of said emotion, I wonder if I will ever use it again.
The Small Stuff: paying bills, and ensuring that I will survive another month. Or week. Without the important parts, mere survival seems terribly unimportant.
So here we are, on a Sunday night.
My greatest wish is that your Sunday night is far better than mine.
13 comments:
Is that really you behind the wheel? Geez, didn't know you lived so dangerously :P
This may be a totally bad idea but I am going to mention it anyway. How about doing some volunteer work? Please don't ask me where or what. Something you like, with kids or disabled. I did a lot of that back home and it IS rewarding. Helps you to see other people lives are way worse than your own.
A window into your life. Very interesting.
-Lauren
int -- I'm trying to do a few things in the volunteer line. I'm sort of fighting to keep my own head above water right now, though....
lauren -- more like a windshield into my life! This was one of the few truly enjoyable days I've had...I decided not to post any of the pics that show my face...no sense scaring off any readers....
I'm a member of the "Face only a rylqbeos could love" club. But I show it anyway so other men won't feel so bad.
dal -- I could have posted a pic that showed my face, but I don't want to cause a server crash, or worse....
Don't give up on love and trying to find someone to share your life with. It will come to you. Try to keep a positive attitude in the mean time, couldn't hurt! I do know how hard it is though, truly I do! (((HUGS)))
I understand the professional importance of those parties, but damn, I hate them so. I guess they're both a blessing and a curse. That "eating" thing is kinda important, so keep beating the bushes for work and the money you're owed. I know people in "waste management" you know, so if you need any collection assistance.....:)
(kidding)
Not much better.
But maybe I wouldn't know the difference. I hope it changes for you. You think we could buy laughing gas in bulk and get a special rate? I'm thinking it may be the ticket, but don't know if we'd end up like the Blue Velvet guy.
Interesting photo. Was someone over your shoulder there taking the pic?
to clarify--I meant my Sun. night was not much better, at least the latest part of it.
HarpO -- the photog was sitting in the right-side seat, holding the camera behind my head and, probably, trying not to barf.
I was driving slowly for his benefit, too.
I would like the driving part, but of course I guess it could get boring. Nah not in this life time.
Roz
Testing...I really should learn not to click on things just because other people do it...hope this works...
Yay, it worked,...now what was my comment? I'll be back later...
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