I am in a major-league foul mood today.
Okay, so part of it is entirely my fault. I can never bring myself to say "(bleep) you, I'm not going to do it" when anyone, be they client, friend or lover, expects me to go way the hell out of my way for them based on vague promises (or, in the case of one former lover and one former client, very explicit promises) that I'm going to get something in return. Nor can I bring myself to turn my back on those people as easily as they turn their backs on me.
Yesterday was just another example. And I am expected to do the same again, today and on Thursday, with even less in it for me.
There is something wrong with me. Maybe it's genetic, or something taught one day when I wasn't in school. I can't seem to question anyone, or make any attempt to stand up for my rights and collect what is owed to me, without coming off like a real jerk. When an editor, or a friend (even a casual friend) or **** says "I don't want to do what I promised" that's perfectly fine. It's their right by God, and who am I to find fault with them?
When I do that, I am Mr Evil, a heartless creep.
Except that I don't do that very often. Usually, as was the case yesterday, I just go along with the program, smile real big, and give more than I can afford, more than is good for me, more than I will get in return. Sometimes, "thank you" isn't enough. Tangible payment is required.
Just call me Mr Doormat.
No. Today, call me Mr Angry Doormat.
1 day ago