Friday, January 12, 2007

Desperate times...

...call for desperate measures!

According to a story you can read here, the Swedish "pirate" software-sharing site "The Pirate Bay" is planning to buy a self-contained "nation-state" in the North Sea on which to maintain its site in the face of many efforts by copyright-holders to shut it down.

Their goal is to buy "Sealand," a former U.K. defense platform which the story describes thusly: The "island" of Sealand, seven miles off the coast of southern England, was settled in 1967 by an English major, Paddy Roy Bates. Bates proclaimed Sealand a state, issuing passports and gold and silver Sealand dollars and declaring himself Prince Roy.

When the British Royal Navy tried to evict Prince Roy in 1968, a judge ruled that the platform was outside British territorial waters and therefore beyond government control.

The island is now being put up for sale by Prince Roy's son, Prince Michael, who styles himself head of state. A firm of Spanish estate agents has valued the island at £504 million (about 7 billion kronor), although Prince Michael told The Times of London that it is hard to gauge how much it will fetch in reality.


Please understand that I have no interest in getting into a bidding war with "The Pirate Bay," even though I have a few kronor left over from a trip to Sweden about 18 months ago....

But the audacity of the concept fires my imagination. Since life has grown intolerable for me Where The Ghetto Meets The Sea, why not establish sovereignty over some little rock sticking out of the South Pacific (or in the Caribbean) and set up my own nation?

King Scribbler I. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think? Far better than, say, "President For Life," no?

Besides, I intend to establish a benevolent dictatorship, not some oppress-the-people scene like so many dictators who have come before. In fact, with the exception of a few minor fees to ensure that I am able to live in the style to which I would dearly love to become accustomed -- and it's more modest than you think -- the general population in the Kingdom of Scribbler wouldn't even know I'm there.

PARENTHETICAL CAVEAT-TYPE THOUGHT: They'd sure as hell know on holidays, which would be mandated roughly 183 times yearly. I would demand that I be allowed to lead all parades so "my people" could throw flowers, hand over bottles of single-malt, and generally revere me.

I would offer asylum to some of the world's better malcontents. For example, if my brother can't get his "Drop Out Nation" up and running, he'll be welcome in the Kingdom of Scribbler. Others are already on the list for automatic citizenship as soon as I get my flag planted.

Though tempted, I won't adopt the old rule of "Jus Primae Noctis." I promise.

There will be only one law in this land, one I have cribbed from the medical profession: "first, do no harm." Anyone who violates it will be put on a boat for, say, North Korea.

I'm tempted to make nudity a subsidiary law of the land as well. We'll see. I'll make my final decision based on who applies for citizenship. In any case, it would be mandatory only for those specifically chosen for the honor by King Scribbler I.

The only issue I have yet to decide is whether Scribbler Island will declare war on the U.S.A. in order to attract the vast sums that nation lavishes on defeated lands.

If anyone wishes to apply for a passport, please let me know. For most of those who read this, it'll be a process of almost immediate approval. Only one person I know will have to go to extra lengths to prove herself worthy of admission....

22 comments:

Kelly said...

Is the island going to be in the warm part of the world? Or are you gonna get stuck with a sucky cold island...I don't do cold very well and I am certainly not parading around nekkid if it's cold...

If you can swing a warm climate spot - count us in (Lowandslow and I)

lowandslow said...

Are you seeking someone to fill the position of Royal Single-Malt Taster? If so may I humbly offer my services to Your Majesty. :)

MrScribbler said...

Kelly -- it's going to be palm trees, warm sands and clean blue waters....

l&s -- You are hereby appointed my official Single-Malt Taster. But I restrict you to small sips; after all, your job is to make sure the single-malt donations from My people are free of impurities!

joan said...

If I am to be royal photographer I get to help pick who is nekid ;)

MrScribbler said...

Wow! Three of the people I want most on Scribbler Island are interested!

Joan, the post -- and privileges -- are yours, providing you give me photography lessons!

(and you only get to help pick half the nekkid folks. The rest are MINE!)

Anonymous said...

well. I'll apply if netmale will....????

MrScribbler said...

Not sure I can stand to see Netmale au naturel, anonymous....

likeisaid said...

I wanna go, too! King Scribbler sounds good to me. :)

Birdie said...

tweet tweet... I want to fly over three, too!!

HarpO'Fly said...

I'm in!! As long as you DON'T declare war on the US. They'd want to have peace keeping troops hanging around and make it run like what we're escaping.

I've been scouting around in Florida Bay. Could be done.

If you like, I'll help with the herb garden, defense and energy concerns. Or just be quiet and invisible--your call.

Emme said...

Hi, I started a pledge at pledgebank.com
http://www.pledgebank.com/buysealand
the idea is that you promise to donate 10$ to to buysealand.com if othe 1000 people will do it with you. Are you interested? If you are please sign the pledge asap because pledges with less than 25 subscribers are not even shown on the website!

landscapes said...

Hi Scribb . . .

I am playing around in my blogger-blog, and thought i would pop in to say Hi.

Today I finally managed to change the HTML-codes for the 'green-dot' design!
It's much more easy on Journalspace, to change the codes.
Anyway, now I can use my big pics in here! Yay!!!

MrScribbler said...

Minister of Herb Gardens O'Fly -- I didn't even think of the occupation troops. Far better to remain peaceful, and make friends with someone at the World Bank. Their lending rules are pretty easy....

Sunny said...

Can I live there with you all, too? I'd love to live on a "Scribbler Island!" Gotta have banana trees, though! hehe.

k said...

I would like to apply, please.

However, i would prefer to wear clothes at all times while in public.

I promise I would throw roses at your feet every time your Highness should walk down the street.

I would fan you with palm fronds and feed you grapes.

Just let me wear clothes & allow me to be a citizen of your Kingdom, and i shall worship you forever.

**hugs** and aloooHa!

KauaiFinn said...

oooops

That was me ("k")

I hit "enter" by mistake.

:-)

Laura said...

Hell yeah! I'm in!

BenB said...

Curiosity killed the cat, I wanted to take a look at this place that I have never heard of before until seeing it here. I assume this is the place: http://www.fruitsofthesea.demon.co.uk/sealand/gallery.html

.......and frankly, this looks like the ghetto IN the sea!
bb

MrScribbler said...

BenB -- I hadn't seen the websites for "Sealand," but they confirm my hunch that an island in a tropical climate would be more suitable for My Kingdom. Can't have banana trees or lush white-sand beaches at Sealand!

KF -- I will reluctantly allow you to remain clothed....

Laura -- Since you're planning to emigrate to Scribbler Island, I will cause an opera house to be established as part of the Royal Palace.

DAL said...

I'd like to know who the anonymous person is waiting for me to apply for a passport.

I hereby apply, and promise that I will restrict my nudity to after sundown or to a private section of the island.

KauaiFinn said...

Thank you Scribbler!

(Can i bring my laptop?)

:-)

*hugs* and aloooHa!

MrScribbler said...

dal -- just keep them flabby flanks out of MY sight!

KF -- of course you can bring your laptop! Of course I haven't decided if Scribbler Island will have wi-fi or even electricity yet....