...full of the same old stuff.
I wrote, finishing the article I spent last Wednesday "researching." It was basically finished on Friday, but when I read it again I saw that I had left out some vital information. To plug in the missing bits took more than adding a couple of paragraphs; my "style" is one of connected paragraphs, so any late additions meant doing some serious rewriting.
When I wasn't doing that, I spent some time stitching together tracks from my new pile of CDs so I can burn copies for a couple of friends tomorrow. The program I use allows a lot of tweaking of the sound, but for now I'm just copying them largely as-is until I'm confident with all the doo-dads.
It's a lot different than the audio tools I grew up with, which included a 10-band equalizer and audiotape splicing block. My reflexes aren't yet attuned to using a mouse when I once would have used a grease pencil (to mark the place where the edit went), razor blade and splicing tape.
The weather has turned cold, and there is apparently a threat of rain late tonight. Less than an hour ago, I turned on the heater for the first time this year. When I go to bed, I'll shut it off and open the windows again, because I don't like closed-up rooms. Go figure.
Somehow, I've managed to avoid feeling too much depression today. That doesn't make sense; the causes are still there. All of them. I find the ability to not look at reality a little troubling; the work hassles, shortage of money and total lack of affection will not resolve themselves.
It'd be damn nice if they would. But I don't have any faith at in the people who are responsible, so leaving it up them is not an option.
And now? I'll pop a couple of CDs in the player and listen while I try to finish another story I should send out tomorrow.
I sometimes think this may be the root of my problems: I keep working, even when the editors/publishers aren't holding up their end of the bargain. I continue to miss, have an interest in, care about the welfare of, people who no longer give a damn about me. If they ever did.
It's all inertia. Without lubrication, the machine that is me will stop working eventually.
Sure hope it rains.
A QUICK PARENTHETICAL UPDATE JUST IN CASE ANYONE GIVES A RAT'S POSTERIOR ABOUT IT: As of two minutes ago, I finished the second damn article I wanted to finish.
Good night.
5 hours ago
7 comments:
Hey. You are sounding better than usual. Don't let that bother you. "looking at reality" does not necessarily mean looking at troubles you can't immediately remedy, if ever. Sometimes that is very much the opposite of looking at reality because it is not the whole picture.
That's cool you got a start on the CDs and got the articles written.
..and here comes the rain
I love me a nice rainy evening. Leave a window or two open, so I can hear and smell it. Keeps my room nice and chilly, so I can snuggle up with a good book and a trusty dog or two. Good time to enjoy those CDs
Glad you had a better day, Scribbs. Work occupies your mind, which is good, although I think I'd be hesitant to continue working for those who still owe you money. On the one hand that might inhibit your getting some jobs, but why keep pouring good money (or in your case talent) after bad? Sounds like your music is your therapy. keep it up. :)
Now I'm joined your club of distrust, Scrib. Don't know if I can take the words of any man at face value again.
MsPajama -- as long as you feel the desire to trust, you'll be able to do so when the time is right. I think I could still do that. Maybe.
Don't let go of that need.
I love the rain, and I've thought about turning on the heater too, but I haven't done it yet.
It's supposed to rain and sleet here starting Thursday. We can't use our fireplace until we get the bird nest out. Oh well, we can keep each other warm and snuggle with the doggies. :)
Post a Comment