...but, I suppose, no worse than others.
I'm missing two things tonight. The first is a fireplace -- I know some of you who live Northwards would probably be wearing shorts and complaining about the heat here, but it's chilly enough for me -- and the second, of course, is someone sweet and loving with whom to curl up with in front of the fire I can't build.
PARENTHETICAL THOUGHT: Yes, I'm missing money as well, since none made it into the mailbox today, but at this point that seems less important that nos. 1 and 2. It isn't, but that's the way I see it tonight.
Today moved in slow motion. Both of the articles I completed yesterday required some repairs this morning. In one case, a few simple word changes satisfied me; in the other, I did what amounted to a total rewrite. Time was consumed.
Some early morning emails were sent, and phone messages were left. None were returned. More time was consumed.
And then, I had a few errands to run, and that, too, took far longer than it should have. People who are paid to provide services to me screwed up, and yet they seemed to direct their anger towards me.
I guess what I am now is a good shit-magnet.
Since returning home, I've distracted myself with happier chores, mainly having to do with getting my friends' music CDs burned. That involved some editing and adjustments, which took some time.
I have one more job to do tonight, which involves creating a disc for a friend who is a musician, but not really hip to the kind of music I want him to hear. That's a challenge, and will take my mind of some of the demons that are laying in wait for me.
With luck, when I finally get to bed, I won't dream. Recent nights have been filled with explicit dreams that left me feeling lost when I woke up.
Today, of all days, is a good day not to be me.
Tonight, I am haunted by my mistakes, and by the treachery -- there is no other word that fits -- of certain others. I sought a life of love, of music, of creativity, of sharing. What I have is a life where I create as best I can, and the return does not justify the effort.
Is it all downhill from here? It seems so tonight....
8 hours ago