What is it about sunsets...

...that makes them bring me down with a resounding crash?

I think it has to do with focusing my attention on the new day ahead. And this one is going to be tricky to navigate through, believe me.

Hell, the entire week threatens to be a major-league mess.

Before anyone suggests I "think positive thoughts" or says something to the effect that facing the next few days with dread can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy, read on.

Once again, I have made the mistake of believing in promises that were made to me. Worse, I made a couple of crucial commitments based on said promises, and it seems very likely -- based on information I received last Friday and today -- that I won't be able to deliver.

This could have some very bad consequences, which I don't feel like writing about right now. Suffice it to say if I fall off everyone's radar screens this week, you'll know that some rather nasty chickens have come home to roost.

PARENTHETICAL THOUGHT: I've used the words "promise" and "commitment" with grim regularity in this journal, though most often they have related to a personal relationship. They are words I believe in, take very, very seriously.

I'm beginning to think I should never again believe in or trust anyone in any circumstances.

Assuming I make it through Monday and Tuesday intact -- not by any means a sure thing -- Wednesday won't be a bad day. In fact, it should be rather fun. I will, however, then be committed (there's that word again!) to spending Thursday and Friday writing up Wednesday's experiences for a client who has imposed a rather strict deadline on me.

Oh, well. I had no Thanksgiving plans beyond buying some turkey from the deli for the cat.

Perhaps the only thing I dread more than having to tell someone I couldn't do what I've promised is how that person will react.

In spite of the morose nature of much of my writing here, I have gone along doing what I should and/or could do, hoping that if I didn't give up the results will ultimately be good. Or at least not bad.

I may not be able to do that after tomorrow and Tuesday.

I don't have a lot of strength left to deal with all this garbage.

This has been a year of broken promises and commitments that turned out to be lies. Now, finally, I'm in a position where I have to break a promise or two.

Obviously, it did not bother those who did it to me. But it bothers the hell out of me to do it to others. Moreover, they escaped any scorn, censure or punishment and continue to thrive with clear consciences (assuming they even have consciences). I won't be that lucky, I assure you.

And that is where I am this night.