Sunday, November 19, 2006

What is it about sunsets...

...that makes them bring me down with a resounding crash?

I think it has to do with focusing my attention on the new day ahead. And this one is going to be tricky to navigate through, believe me.

Hell, the entire week threatens to be a major-league mess.

Before anyone suggests I "think positive thoughts" or says something to the effect that facing the next few days with dread can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy, read on.

Once again, I have made the mistake of believing in promises that were made to me. Worse, I made a couple of crucial commitments based on said promises, and it seems very likely -- based on information I received last Friday and today -- that I won't be able to deliver.

This could have some very bad consequences, which I don't feel like writing about right now. Suffice it to say if I fall off everyone's radar screens this week, you'll know that some rather nasty chickens have come home to roost.

PARENTHETICAL THOUGHT: I've used the words "promise" and "commitment" with grim regularity in this journal, though most often they have related to a personal relationship. They are words I believe in, take very, very seriously.

I'm beginning to think I should never again believe in or trust anyone in any circumstances.

Assuming I make it through Monday and Tuesday intact -- not by any means a sure thing -- Wednesday won't be a bad day. In fact, it should be rather fun. I will, however, then be committed (there's that word again!) to spending Thursday and Friday writing up Wednesday's experiences for a client who has imposed a rather strict deadline on me.

Oh, well. I had no Thanksgiving plans beyond buying some turkey from the deli for the cat.

Perhaps the only thing I dread more than having to tell someone I couldn't do what I've promised is how that person will react.

In spite of the morose nature of much of my writing here, I have gone along doing what I should and/or could do, hoping that if I didn't give up the results will ultimately be good. Or at least not bad.

I may not be able to do that after tomorrow and Tuesday.

I don't have a lot of strength left to deal with all this garbage.

This has been a year of broken promises and commitments that turned out to be lies. Now, finally, I'm in a position where I have to break a promise or two.

Obviously, it did not bother those who did it to me. But it bothers the hell out of me to do it to others. Moreover, they escaped any scorn, censure or punishment and continue to thrive with clear consciences (assuming they even have consciences). I won't be that lucky, I assure you.

And that is where I am this night.


kelly said...

ok I want you to think only negative thoughts....think the worst possible thoughts....let me help break a commitment through not intentional purpose of your own...I am sure you would not if it could be helped....but let's say you do....and then the worst thing happens immediately following: a giant meteor smashes the nicest car you have ever seen in your entire life...taking with it three little wonderful old ladies and 14 cats that you adore even though you have never met or seen them before...immediately following that the entire state of California falls into the ocean for no apparent reason which would really ruin my December vacation plans...but instead of becoming fish food with the rest of the state you find yourself drifting quietly in the rubble on top of a giant white cooler with no beer in it - just a bunch of sweet and low packets.

lowandslow said...

You're a man of great integrity. I admire that immensely. Good luck to you this week, my friend.

Sunny said...

I read all of your words and I think you will make it through the week, MrScribbler! Stay tuned into JS Land too, and that might help. You are more amazing than you give yourself credit for! *Smiles!* and ((BigHugs))

MrScribbler said...

kelly -- I'd laugh if I was up to laughing right now.

I've never claimed I have it worse than everyone else. But this is bad enough for me....

Agreed that the commitment-breaking is not entirely my doing, but I may not get a chance to make up for it this time. And it doesn't make me feel any better to lay off some blame on others.

Sally said...

((((MrScribbler)))) I hope you make it through Monday and Tuesday, then you'll be just fine. I think you will! You know sometimes things just don't work out perfectly, very often for me, :) but I am going to be sending positive vibes your way! Keep the faith, expect miracles..

Kashew said...

I'm already holding my breath for circumstances here...I MIGHT get some answers tomorrow, but probably not. I'll hold my breath for you too. Make a pact to meet back on Wed to see how we faired???

likeisaid said...

((MrS)), I hope everything turns out well for you. I believe that it will. :)

HarpO'Fly said...

Good luck. Sorry to hear things are in a tangle.

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