Thursday, November 09, 2006

Watching myself die.

In the early hours of this morning, I watched myself die. This wasn’t quite like Abraham Lincoln’s famous dream of seeing himself lying in state in the White House. As a nonentity, I had a nonentity’s dream.

I was hovering over myself, apparently moments after the lights went out for the last time. I saw myself lying on a small, plain bed in a small, plain room. It did not seem that death had been an easy slipping-away for me. There were several people standing in the room; all but one had their backs turned to the bed. Though I could not see their faces, I somehow knew none were feeling any emotion at all.

For a while, nothing happened. There was no sound, no movement.

I recognized the person who stood next to the bed, recognized what she was wearing. She seemed to have a small smile on her face.

And then, she turned to the people standing with their backs to me. Tears began to flow. She cried out: “Look what he did to me! He abandoned me!”

Everyone gathered around her, began hugging her, holding her hands, murmuring encouragement to her. A few glanced at me, with expressions of scorn and pure hatred. They led her out of the room. I could her laughter through the doorway.

I hovered, looking down on my dead, all-alone self, until the dream faded....

9 comments:

lowandslow said...

Very macabre. I find it hard to believe people would be anything but devestated you were gone. With so many cool cars left to drive, how about sticking around for a long, long time and giving us reviews? :)

dkmcb01 said...

That, my friend, is a pretty crappy dream and I am sure wouldn't happen like that in real life...

John said...

That's the human race. I've never had such a dream but it is a good reprsentation of several life experiences. Not at all fun. Scew them. There are those who don't turn their back when you are powerless and could do with the respect.

KauaiFinn said...

I wonder what sort of significance this dream has... I hope: NONE.

I agree with dkmcb01 - that this was a pretty crappy dream. And that in REAL life, when that fateful day should come: you will be surrounded by hundreds of people who adore you and there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth, white doves and red roses... and any who have made enemies with you will be SO filled with regret and sorrow, that it will require the countie's entire squad of officers to keep each one from slitting their own wrists.

;-)

Seriously: you need to quit dreaming such horrible shit like this. (and don't forget that we still have a LIFE-TIME of getting filthy rich together.)

*hugs* and Aloooooooha!

Anonymous said...

I woke up with a bad dream this morning too. Seriously. I decided to listen to what it was saying and refute it in real life. Dreams will do funny things with your head. Yes, I know you even had a death dream and I'm not trying to belittle what you wrote (and it was very well-written by the way). Even death dreams can teach you something about yourself. It's fun to find ways to say "fuck off" to death dreams.

-Lauren

likeisaid said...

That's a terrible dream! I've had dreams where I was dying but never went through with it, I always wake up before the end. I think it's just when you're not feeling good or depressed and then you carry that feeling over to your dreams.

Thank God it was just a dream! What would we do without you?

Birdie said...

scary.... and we still have some sightseeing to do together!!! *wink*

Anne said...

I have very vivid dreams like that quite often. I blame it on the drugs.
Are you doing drugs?
Maybe you should be?
Well, stop it!
Make plans with Birdie to go sightseeing and then you can come up with something else to dream about.
oh gawd . . . now comes the dreaded test.
Damnit!
"Enter the letters as they are shown in the image."
How in the world am I supposed to read those crappy ass, curvy letters!

MrScribbler said...

I'm glad you passed the "curvy-letter" test, Anne.

Haven't done drugs in maybe 30 years, and even then it was just ganja.