In the early hours of this morning, I watched myself die. This wasn’t quite like Abraham Lincoln’s famous dream of seeing himself lying in state in the White House. As a nonentity, I had a nonentity’s dream.
I was hovering over myself, apparently moments after the lights went out for the last time. I saw myself lying on a small, plain bed in a small, plain room. It did not seem that death had been an easy slipping-away for me. There were several people standing in the room; all but one had their backs turned to the bed. Though I could not see their faces, I somehow knew none were feeling any emotion at all.
For a while, nothing happened. There was no sound, no movement.
I recognized the person who stood next to the bed, recognized what she was wearing. She seemed to have a small smile on her face.
And then, she turned to the people standing with their backs to me. Tears began to flow. She cried out: “Look what he did to me! He abandoned me!”
Everyone gathered around her, began hugging her, holding her hands, murmuring encouragement to her. A few glanced at me, with expressions of scorn and pure hatred. They led her out of the room. I could her laughter through the doorway.
I hovered, looking down on my dead, all-alone self, until the dream faded....
2 days ago