...I am going to restrain myself and not post again tonight.
I don't want to subject anyone to the crap that is upsetting me, hurting me, making me angry, making me wonder why the hell I bother waking up each day.
You've read it all before, anyway.
I know some people are much worse off than I am. I've heard the radio ads telling us Chris Farley wasn't to blame because he used the proceeds of his fame to burn himself up with drugs. If only a brand-new wonder drug (now being pimped by Farley's brother) had been around when Chris was coking up, he might have recovered.
I've heard the ads about people suffering from cancer, "erosive acid reflux disease" and, probably, beri-beri and jungle rot, who have experienced amazing cures thanks to good-hearted drug companies.
I've heard that I can donate money, cars and lots of other stuff through various "nonprofit" agencies to help unfortunate kids.
When those things, and the various crises around the world, are borne in mind, I have it pretty easy.
I'm not trying to be flippant here. I do care about other people, wish I could help them all, starting with a few I happen to know personally. I would cheerfully take their falls for them if I could.
After all, it's a damn shame when suffering is pointless. If I thought it was contributing to the health and happiness of others, I wouldn't be quite so concerned about it.
But my situation benefits no one. Well, maybe one person in my personal life, and several publishing companies. They got what they wanted from me, and then turned their backs.
That's more than I intended to say.
You'll simply have to accept that I am one unhappy puppy tonight, as I have been for too many nights. If that doesn't please you, I appreciate it.
If it does make you happy to know I'm not doing well, or leaves you unmoved, you have plenty of company. Between **** (the personal one) and *****, ******, ****, ****** and ***** (the business ones), I have plenty of people who would almost certainly applaud vigorously if I simply vanished.
Which, at least for tonight, I will now do.
50 minutes ago