...is building. Along with anger (no, it's closer to rage than mere anger), frustration and similar unhelpful feelings.
Often, I try to post amusing pictures to distract myself, but that doesn't seem to be working today...
It would be pointless to go into detail about all the things that are contributing to my dangerous mood.
PARENTHETICAL THOUGHT: Dangerous? Yes, I'm using that word intentionally and precisely. When life gets to this point, I begin to fear my reactions to the next thing that comes along. I try not to react at all. I try not to get involved with anything that might let the negative genie all the way out of the bottle. If it was possible -- which it isn't -- I'd just hide for a month or six.
Let's just say that no single element of my life or environment is giving me any break from what seems like an avalanche of bad stuff. Mr personal and professional lives have both deteriorated noticeably -- though that hardly seems possible -- and, since most of you hear the same news from the rest of the world I do, you already know there's damn little to cheer about there.
The world's woes do not keep me awake at night. My own do, though.
Six or so people are involved directly in the situations that have brought me to the brink of explosion. Any one of them -- and one in particular -- could, by simply doing right, could ease the tension sufficiently to let me think I might still manage to crawl out of this hole.
A lot of people maintain that we are solely responsible for our own situations/happiness/success or failure. Would that it were so.
But as long as humans need love, food, a roof over their heads, clothing and -- depending on the profession they choose -- a certain amount of outside affirmation and attention -- they are at the mercy of others.
I certainly am.
And "others" are taking advantage of that. Or have taken advantage of it in scar-producing ways that still affect me.
Add in my painful awareness of my own limitations and failures, and you have a recipe for meltdown.
Even cute pictures aren't going to get me past that, I'm afraid.
15 hours ago