Seven Wonders -- hah!

So there was this online poll that some clown came up with to select a new septet of "wonders" around the world. And now the votes are in and the results announced.

Can you take it?

1. The Great Wall of China;

2. The ancient city of Petra in Jordan;

3. The statue of Christ the Redeemer in Rio de Janeiro;

4. Machu Picchu in Peru;

5. The Maya ruins of Chichen Itza in Mexico;

6. The Colosseum in Rome;

7. India's Taj Mahal.

Ummmm...yeah...right on.

Okay, I've actually seen one of the Magnificent Seven -- the Colosseum -- and would dig to see most of the others. The statue of Christ, while a big sonuvagun in a photogenic location, doesn't move me and seeing the Taj Mahal means going to India, which is pretty low on my dream-travel list.

What about the Mall of America? What about Disney World?

What about Faye Dunaway for God's sake? You think the work of a bunch of peasants putting big stones in piles can compare to her?

Fuggedaboutit.

Not that the original list -- still the "official" one -- of Seven Wonders was all that hot. The Colossus of Rhodes made that one, as I recall, and no one who worked on the list ever even saw it. No one in the last two millenia saw it. It was a freekin' legend. Might as well have put Noah's Ark on there.

Years ago, there was a huge statue of Bullwinkle on Sunset Boulevard here in L.A. I'd put that on the list in a heartbeat. Stonehenge, too; a place where a bunch of loons wear antlers and howl during hot-button days on the pagan calendar has to be there.

Of course if we make howling loons a criterion, we could include Paris, which has the Eiffel Tower which actually is a wonder. Or Washington, D.C.

Supposedly, the remains of Atlantis are now believed to be somewhere near the Bahamas; divers have reported seeing (and have photographed) what appears to be a huge man-made highway or wall in the depths. If so, that ought to have been a shoo-in.

Not sure what all the fuss about the new Seven Wonders list is all about. It's been reported that the Great Wall gathered maximum votes because a billion Chinese logged into the voting site. Wonder how many write-in votes that monstro Chinese dam completed a few years ago picked up?

I don't care, I guess. I'll never see Petra, and most likely not Machu Picchu.

So, selfishly, I want to see a list of wonders I might actually get to, that aren't being held together by spit and baling wire or in constant danger of being swallowed up by encroaching jungle.

And any list that doesn't recognize Faye as a major-league, boffo-at-the-box-office, capital-W Wonder simply ain't complete.