Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Going away...

...seems to be the magic recipe for what ails me, at least as far as my friends are concerned.

Not, I hasten to add, as in closing up the ol' journal, or doing myself a permanently damaging kind of mischief, or going into the Witness Protection program. No, they seem to think I should get the hell out of Dodge (or Los Angeles, anyway) and find a new, more hospitable, place to live.

Lordy, how I agree with them!

T'ain't that easy, though.

I have long been under the impression -- and have confirmed it recently with some people who know -- that if I continue with my current "work," I basically have four choices, location-wise. One would suit me well enough, but is as expensive as SoCal or even more costly, if such a thing is possible. Another leaves me excessively neutral, but would likely be just as expensive. Which means that, since I struggle to stretch the money here, I'd get nowhere by moving.

Number three is a place I dislike intensely, and number four, though somewhat tolerable, is simply too close to an area I have vowed, out of sheer self-preservation*, to stay at least 500 miles from.

So a move would necessarily be coupled to a career change. Rapidly graying old men don't do well with career changes. Particularly when, as in my case, their skills are less in demand than perhaps they should be and potential employers are most eager to hire young (that is, lower-paid) people to do the work, quality be damned..

This is not looking good.

Failing a visit from the Lottery Fairy, a long-lost wealthy relative** tapping out and showering me with spondulics or some perceptive and financially well-grounded publisher catching my act and deciding I'm just what he/she is looking for, I seem to be pretty well stuck.

Oh, there are other things I can do, and fairly well at that. But "fairly well" is not good enough. Not when you're looking to them to pay for roof, food and (perhaps) the occasional holiday and/or toy.

There is a subtext to all this, of course. Simply put, at present I lack the energy and drive to take a leap into the darkness in search of light, particularly sans parachute. I know myself well enough to know those traits are not gone forever. Circumstances have pretty much put them on the shelf for now, however. I've done it a time or three in the past...but times -- and people -- have changed.

Does this mean I've basically hung all that adventurous stuff up? Not really. I would love nothing more than to see the last signs of this area shrinking in my rear-view mirror and begin a fresh chapter in what has been a sometimes-interesting saga mixing wonderful events with others that went terribly wrong.

But a time comes when those leaps of faith simply take too much out of one if they don't work. A risk I would cheerfully have taken, say, ten years ago, now looks to have bad odds attached.

If I ever have any confidence that a light has been (or might be) lit for me at the end of the trail, I'll be on my way. Until then, I can't see it happening.


* Sorry, not going to explain that....
** I know enough about my family tree to know this, too is impossible...

17 comments:

lubie said...

Well, Mr.S I hope some good winds start blowing your way and wherever they blow you just keep being you~

Sunny said...

So, do you have a place in mind for the future?

It's so rough at our age, starting all over again. Especially when it involves finding a new job....

well, I'm retired but moving and all that goes with it, is one thing I hate to do!

lowandslow said...

I've found that well-heeled (mature) consumers generally prefer to deal with (buy from) other sophisticated, mature people. With your knowledge of automobiles and your articulateness, (and maybe your connections) could you perhaps sell fine automobiles, new or classic? Your communication skills are so impressive you seem like a natural for upper-end sales. Ya think?

Justfly said...

I would agree with lowandslow.

MrScribbler said...

l&s -- one thing I have learned about myself is that I couldn't sell air conditioners in hell....

Kelly said...

"Until the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change - there will be no change"

Kim said...

I hate change, it's scary. We're all creatures of habit. I dread to think what I'm going to be like if the Bloke and I actually do buy a place and move.

joan said...

It's weird how it gets harder and harder to change. I've had so many complete start overs in my life I assumed it would always be like that. Now, I'd like to hang in there and feel lucky to maintain - which isn't always easy. I hope something happens to make a new course make sense for you.

Anonymous said...

I SO agree with Kelly's comment...

Gill

Anonymous said...

I agree with lubie. You just keep being you because you're good people.

John said...

What Kelly said is pretty much a universal truth. What that entails is subjective to the person and gets complicated.
A lot of the move away suggestion, on my part, is projection of my own wishes for myself. Uninformed opinion. I don't know what is ultimately in your best interest.

I miss things about everywhere I ever lived. Not often enough to make me regret moving.

I'm in the habit of moving every once in awhile. It is not so bad when you are used to changing everything. There is always the danger of throwing the baby out with the bath water, though.
Age should not be a factor when it comes to being where you think you should be, doing what you think you should do.

sugarcane said...

You've been dealt a lot of blows lately, and I'm not sure making a life-altering change is the right decision when your head and heart are in such turmoil.

Maybe start with a pros and cons list, or a list of what you really want and how much you'll need to achieve it.

You may find the answer has been staring you in the face, but you haven't been open to seeing it... in my uninformed opinion, of course.

Birdie said...

you know how I feel and what I think... I've mentioned it often enough.

There are sooooooo many places besides those 4 you mentioned! With the internet available, you can do your writing from almost anywhere! You get your assignments per email, you do your research per internet, you write and mail it off!

No, I agree you'd be a lousy car seller, but you COULD do something else I'm sure!

It's scary, but maybe a complete move with all it's risks would be just the right thing to do.

Is your trip over here still on in September? I haven't forgotten... we got a date (again), remember? *wink*

Anonymous said...

I understand, you have had so much happen.
I like change, I am always mixing it up.
Sometimes the results aren't as much fun as they sound.
Sometimes they are...
One thing about change for me is, the more I think about it the less likely I am to do it....
wisdom ovetakes passion, I guess.

betty said...

I agree. Change is very hard sometimes but I think I'm ready. Whatever you decide to do I hope you're very happy.

becomingkate said...

I imagine moving would be worrisome, but if you did the research into possible career changes (we have free career counselling here) and found a nice little town where the cost of living was reasonable and the people were kind, it'd be okay.
Sometimes even just the consideration of a change sets the goal in motion.

DAL said...

I have been seriously considering moving as soon as I can to the US, for the obvious reason to those who read me at JS. There are several hoops I would have to jump through. I need a divorce from Wifey. I need a job and I need a green card, unless I want to spend time crossing back and forth across the border. I would also like to clear off my debt, and that would be the toughest item to check from the list.

I would be putting this in motion without any certainty of what the future really holds. But I'll do it because it's what I ultimately want.