Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Superstition, numerology, and a feverish imagination

I've had a truly crappy day today. I was creative enough -- turning out a complete, moderately well-written and properly edited story between the hours of 9:00 am and 3:00 pm -- but somehow managed to maintain a totally foul mood while so doing. I feel as if I'm surrounded by bubbling pools of molten lava, complete with the odors of burning sulfur and ozone.

Much of that has to do with events I haven't written about, and have no intention of describing here.

Suffice it to say that I have learned, to my eternal chagrin, a Basic Truth:

Women and men do not think the same way. This was finally made undeniably clear to me by some strange drama during the past weekend.

After considerable rumination, I have come to some other conclusions as well:

1. I should avoid all women whose first names are made up of four letters. My ex-wife, another very serious relationship and the two women I loved most -- one of whom betrayed me, while the other turned out to be simply too strange for words -- all qualify for this numerological category;

2. I should avoid all women with herbaceous first names. For the one or two who may not know, "herbaceous" refers loosely to plants of all kinds. Herewith, the definition of "plant" from my pocket dictionary: "any of the great group of living things (as mushrooms, seaweeds or trees) that have no...obvious sense organs...." In my case bushes, flowering and otherwise, are included.

PARENTHETICAL THERE-ARE-ALWAYS-EXCEPTIONS THOUGHT: The woman who messed with my head this weekend -- resulting more in anger than hurt on my part, I must add -- qualifies only in category #2, while my ex-wife and the woman who left me and headed out into the Twilight Zone of wacko-ism only fit into #1. One fits both categories, and her departure hurt the worst.

Does any of this make any damn sense? I doubt it.

I'm simply more tired than I can express of selling my abilities and knowledge for coolie wages and, even more sick of having no one trustworthy in my life to at least help me pretend it's all worthwhile.

The Four-Letter Women, the Plant-Name Women and the one combination of the two groups have taught me that the opposite sex is simply not to be trusted under any circumstances.

I wish someone would choose to prove my superstitions and numerological assumptions wrong. I can still be convinced of the error of my perceptions.

Fat freekin' chance.

In the meantime, I have only 1500 words to write tomorrow, for a client I dislike immensely.


John said...

I can't comment because it would bring me ill will from some.
There must be a pattern in this science.

Birdie said...

whew... my name has more then 4 letters and has nothing to do with plants :-) *wipesbrow*

lowandslow said...

Little harsh there, Scribbs. I know a woman named Matilda Asteroid ______ I think you might like. On wait, she's a Scientologist...never mind.

Anonymous said...

I think possibly you are too nice a guy and think the best of everyone, getting yourself in the situations you aforementioned...now of course you are jaded, and rightfully so! Lou

joan said...

Whoops...you'll have to keep calling me Japee ;)

picaboblu said...

so do those of us not in either category rate as OK?

MrScribbler said...

Picaboblu -- the operative word in my screed is, of course, "should." When it comes to matters involving the Other Gender, I have a tendency to ignore all preconceptions, superstitions, flashing red lights, etc., and jump right in....

Peter Jene said...

Really fantastic your post. I look forward to future posts.

In common usage, horoscope often refers to an astrologer's interpretation, usually through a system of Sun sign astrology or based on calendar significance of an event, as in Chinese astrology.

Thanks for sharing,

uk horoscopes