Saturday, April 22, 2006

Whole lotta shakin' goin' on....

...and I’m not talking about earthquakes. Though, given where I live and all the unnatural disasters that have struck me lately, impending seismic activity seems a dead cert!

First order of business today is a game of find-the-passport. I know it’s in my office, that booby-trapped rat-maze of a “work” space, but am not sure exactly where. The various shelves and ledges where it might be need a good dusting and sorting-out anyway – or so I tell myself – but there are things I’d rather be doing.

That little blue-bound document will come into play in nine days when I land in Europe to start a six-day work trip. There are places I’d rather be going – some also in Europe – and, since I'm being sent there on business, I’m compelled to take far more luggage than I would as a simple tourist.

PARENTHETICAL NOTE: That means a trip to the dry-cleaner this week, too. One day, I will learn to make and follow schedules and to-do lists. Really, I will....

But the diversion will be good for me. Despite jet-lag, too many hours spent cooped up in airplanes, trains, busses and cars, more rich food than I eat in any two months at home, and the need to appear alert and interested even when I’m not, I need to be away for a while, and so welcome the opportunity.

Viewing one’s life from a distance does give one new perspectives, you know.

And when I return home, after doing laundry, catching up on sleep and knocking out a couple of articles about the events of the trip, it will be time to start making some changes.

A lot of changes, actually. I have just spent a long, sleepless night pondering what's needed.

You see, part of what I do in the course of my work is to analyze. I read, I listen when some might not think I’m listening, I snoop into dark corners, peek, probe and pry. I retain what I see and hear, put it in a data pile and then distill it. And I learn things; whether deep secrets or long-lost facts, none are safe from me. And I can add two and two with the best of them. And then I impose clarity on this mass of information and draw objective conclusions.

For too long, my problem has been that I tend not to do this with my own life. I let emotions, desires and immediate needs distract me, blind me to truths that are sometimes staring me in the face.

No longer.

I'm beginning to change that, have begun the analytical process, have made some preliminary decisions about what I’m doing, what I want to do, what I can do, and where I’m going to do it.

The “what I can do” part is the worst, because that’s where I have the least information to guide me. That’s the shot-in-the-dark crapshoot question.

First order of business is “where.” Everything else depends on that. So I will start in on searching out a new burrow for myself, preferably somewhere less afflicted by atrocious housing prices, overcrowding and a host of irritants minor and major that have made what initially seemed an ideal location into something far less attractive.

I have a short list of candidates as of now, and intend to add to it and prune off places that don’t meet my needs. I’ve already had to drop consideration of the place formerly at the top of my relocation list – well, the lovely island of Mallorca is still Number One, but that’s just wishful thinking – and will try to make some in-person visits to other likely places this summer.

Just thinking about what I’ll have to do to make all the life-alterations I consider essential makes me tired. I have no choice, though: everything is intertwined – to change “C” I also have to change A, B and D.

I have no doubt a few attitude adjustments will also be in order. This may present the biggest challenge of all. I do like myself -- a lot -- just as I am. But, though I take pride in them, some aspects of my personality don't serve me well as they now are.

Don't think for a moment that need is the sole reason for starting to unravel this tangled me-web. I want to do it. I'll be happy when it's well under way, happier still when results begin to show.

But first, I have to find my passport.

One step at a time.

10 comments:

netmale said...

Change of clothes
Change of venue
Change of mind
Change of heart
Change is good.

MrScribbler said...

Change in the pockets would be good, too! But I'll be delighted with these four, netmale!

Anonymous said...

Look behind rows of books, in case it was placed on top of them and fell down behind them. It has happened.

Do you know how many JS bloggers would be THRILLED to be going to Europe for a week? Yet you make it sound like a chore.

In microcosm, this could be a large part of your problem. Go look at the entry from Pimp Daddy on Dr Strangelove's blog for a good example of the reverse.

MrScribbler said...

I found it, "anonymous." It was on my desk....

Whatsername said...

I don't get excited about going to Europe either.

I'm not movin there for the countryside. I'm going for a person. Hell, I'd move to Siberia without batting an eyelash if that's where Whatshisname was.

HarpO'Fly said...

Man, I can certainly relate to the bit about personality traits not serving well. The trip will be a great breaking point to change the rhythm of things.
It takes guts to apply analysis, then take heed of the results. Things don't always add up like I want.

MrScribbler said...

Whatser -- I agree with that! If I were relocating/changing other things to be with someone else, it would be so much simpler...I'd go, do what I had to do, and be happy.

HarpO -- "Things don't add up" for me now, and I'm not expecting they all will when/if all this reshuffling begins to take effect. But I cannot go on as I am, and so need to try something else.

lovezao said...

Change actually seems to me to be a constant. Either I change or things change.
I've made so many changes for the better, but sometimes i go a little too far in the overhaul. Sometimes not far enough, life generally corrects me.

Kim said...

Hope you at least have SOME fun in Europe (which countries?). Hope you get some life inspiration.

MrScribbler said...

Kimmy -- the entire six-day trip will be spent in various parts of Germany. I have no doubt some of it will be fun, and of course there will be pictures if fun ensues.

Though I'd be grateful for it, I'm not expecting any life inspiration, alas. But the beer is good in Bavaria....