Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Confusion

I'm confused, functioning like a car without brakes that is, at least for the moment, on an straight, empty road. Everything's fine until I have to slow down for the corners....

I can work, sort of. I've been -- and shortly will return to -- turning out big blocks of words for a client that I am assured are, at least so far, strung together coherently. Enough so to be paid for, at least.

But I'm experiencing a curious sense of foreboding. If I am that brake-less car on the straight, empty road, I'm about to encounter an obstacle, or find something along the verge that I need to stop for. A crisis of some sort looms, and I can't see it.

The most helpless feeling in the world is to know things are happening that you can do nothing about. Whether it's an unexpected meteor about to strike the Earth or something far less catastrophic in a global sense, my intuition tells me something is about to affect me in some major way, and I will be nothing but a spectator.

I'm one of those linear thinkers who, when presented with situation a, immediately wants to do b in response. More often than not, that instinct serves me pretty well.

On rare occasions, it does not.

Right now I have a feeling that, Somewhere Out There, some person or force has pushed a button setting into motion an unpleasant, maybe disastrous, cycle of events. And, when a happens, the fact that I want to do b -- or even c -- won't matter, because I won't be able to do anything.

PARENTHETICAL THOUGHT: Though "experts" dispute it, sometimes there are odd conditions, phenomena and feelings that predict a coming earthquake. "Earthquake weather," for example, which I happen to believe in. This is a similar feeling, though I don't think whatever's coming up will be as simple as as an earthquake....

Paranoid? Maybe.

But just because you're paranoid, that doesn't mean They aren't out to get you.

And I don't feel as if I have any armor, any weapons to face Them with.

1 comment:

HarpO'Fly said...

Before I reached the end I was thinking earthquake. Hopefully, no ill wind is headed your way.