Weakness

A lot of people, aided and abetted by Dr Phil and Dr Laura and all the other self-help “doctors” who profit from the misery of others, believe that all you need in life is to “be happy with yourself.”

They are quick to say that needing someone else in your life to complete your happiness, admitting said need and being injured by abuse of it, is somehow a sign of weakness.

I know this. I've heard it said. I've heard it said about me.

In a word, that's nonsense.

I am happy with myself, but I do need someone else in my life to make it all worthwhile. And so does everyone else on the planet to whom God has entrusted a soul.

Those who give only to themselves, trust only themselves, feel unable to accept love and support because they have been told their happiness depends only on them, are deluding themselves. And the realization of that, when it comes (and it will), is going to be far worse than anything I or anyone else can inflict on me.

PARENTHETICAL THOUGHT: No, I am not happy with every detail of my personality. I have a long, long list of “change orders” to put into Central Command instituting repairs to traits that make me less than I ought to be. But at heart, I am good. My instincts are good, my reactions are good, and so are my motives.

And I am damn strong. I can cope with all kinds of adversities; I’ve done it before and have seldom stumbled too badly. Whether they are my problems or someone else’s, professional or personal, when the bell rings I have answered, and surely will again.

One of my strengths, the one that the children of the pop-psych age love to latch on to as a sign of what a weak-kneed little wimp I am, is that I am vulnerable to the right person. Get close, get me to trust you, and you can dismantle me like a fork can break up a milk-sodden Shredded Wheat biscuit at breakfast time.

It is a strength because the ones to whom I am vulnerable will find me loyal, dependable, caring, loving far beyond the limits of normal friendship. And it will be so -- already has been, in one instance -- unto death.

What the complainers fail to take into account is that access to said vulnerability is granted to a very select few. In fact, it has not been fully opened to more than, at most, four or five people in total, a couple of whom were/are dear friends who have never abused the privilege – if such it is – of closeness.

I have a vulnerability. I admit that. One vulnerability. Within it is the keystone that holds my entire structure together.

If that keystone is yanked out, and the structure falls, is the responsibility solely mine, or should the one who actually removed it have perhaps not have done so?

You tell me. I don’t think I am weak at all, just human. Honest. Able, willing to love.

And proud of it.

Even now.