Monday, April 24, 2006


A lot of people, aided and abetted by Dr Phil and Dr Laura and all the other self-help “doctors” who profit from the misery of others, believe that all you need in life is to “be happy with yourself.”

They are quick to say that needing someone else in your life to complete your happiness, admitting said need and being injured by abuse of it, is somehow a sign of weakness.

I know this. I've heard it said. I've heard it said about me.

In a word, that's nonsense.

I am happy with myself, but I do need someone else in my life to make it all worthwhile. And so does everyone else on the planet to whom God has entrusted a soul.

Those who give only to themselves, trust only themselves, feel unable to accept love and support because they have been told their happiness depends only on them, are deluding themselves. And the realization of that, when it comes (and it will), is going to be far worse than anything I or anyone else can inflict on me.

PARENTHETICAL THOUGHT: No, I am not happy with every detail of my personality. I have a long, long list of “change orders” to put into Central Command instituting repairs to traits that make me less than I ought to be. But at heart, I am good. My instincts are good, my reactions are good, and so are my motives.

And I am damn strong. I can cope with all kinds of adversities; I’ve done it before and have seldom stumbled too badly. Whether they are my problems or someone else’s, professional or personal, when the bell rings I have answered, and surely will again.

One of my strengths, the one that the children of the pop-psych age love to latch on to as a sign of what a weak-kneed little wimp I am, is that I am vulnerable to the right person. Get close, get me to trust you, and you can dismantle me like a fork can break up a milk-sodden Shredded Wheat biscuit at breakfast time.

It is a strength because the ones to whom I am vulnerable will find me loyal, dependable, caring, loving far beyond the limits of normal friendship. And it will be so -- already has been, in one instance -- unto death.

What the complainers fail to take into account is that access to said vulnerability is granted to a very select few. In fact, it has not been fully opened to more than, at most, four or five people in total, a couple of whom were/are dear friends who have never abused the privilege – if such it is – of closeness.

I have a vulnerability. I admit that. One vulnerability. Within it is the keystone that holds my entire structure together.

If that keystone is yanked out, and the structure falls, is the responsibility solely mine, or should the one who actually removed it have perhaps not have done so?

You tell me. I don’t think I am weak at all, just human. Honest. Able, willing to love.

And proud of it.

Even now.


netmale said...

In one sense, you are lucky to have been close enough to someone to be vulnerable, else what is love good for if we aren't?

I have allowed myself to be vulnerable, and been hurt for it, but that was so many years ago that I wish someone would show interest in me, so I could bare myself again. I'd welcome the risk, just to experience love again.

MrScribbler said...

There's no good answer, netmale. Not even a "right" answer. I did what I had to do.

I guess one's perspective changes before, during and after the event. Especially "after...."

BDraggs said...

You are right, Scrib. It isn't a weakness to need another person in your life. Wouldn't you say that it is a psychological impairment to feel NO need for another?

I think the 'sick' element comes when you need someone so much that you make them the entire focal point of your life instead of the partner that shares it with you.

BDraggs said...
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MrScribbler said...

I agree, Ms Draggs! After all, one wants a partner in a sense...and in a partnership, you have to bring your own self to the deal.

Class factotum said...

I hope it works out for you, Mr S. God created Adam and saw that Adam needed someone. We ARE supposed to be paired! It's the way things are supposed to be. I hope things work out for you. You're a good guy with a lot to give. She'd be lucky.

MrScribbler said...

Thank you, Mlle. Factotum! I'll be lucky to have her, and of course will do all I can to make her feels the same way if allowed to do so....