Monday, October 15, 2007

Oh, no, is he still depressed?

Well, yeah, he is.

I can read all y'all's minds, and sense you're not digging reading about my Black Fog. Neither am I. But it remains, and that's that.

No spilling my guts about the Really Important Stuff, though. I just finished writing a long screed to a friend pouring it all out to him, and am not inclined to repeat it all.

So I'll just bitch about work again, which, aside from the Really Important Stuff, seems to be taking up 99% of my waking life.

Got my itinerary for the Daytona Beach trip this morning, and found it's a six-day gig. To keep it above the minimum-wage line, I'll have to generate five stories out of it. That won't be particularly easy. It's gonna be chicken-with-its-head-cut-off time, baby.

While I only made it halfway through another article today, it's a near-miracle I got that far. Haggling over future stories was the big thing: I'm still to-and-fro-ing with PR weenies on a major piece. I mentioned it before; they are still being creeps, right up to the moment when they either cave in or I get loud & abusive and cancel the whole thing.

Spent another hour talking to an editor from a book* I seldom contribute to. I stay away only for budgetary reasons, I assure you; I love the editor -- not that way, though she is incredibly smart, well-read, super-nice to work with and easier on the eyes than a Visine bath -- and would be a happy boy indeed if I wrote only for her**. But because the stories take much effort for little return. Still, she comes up with pieces I want to do (if only to be able to gab with her) and I can't resist. We discussed what I'm preparing to send her, and she loved it enough to ask that I expand it considerably with info she knows I already have. Oh, well, they pay by page count....

Do you see a problem coming up here? It's this: I can't juggle 'leventy-seven stories at once, and it seems I will be doing that for some weeks to come. More than once during the day I have had to simply walk away from the desk and go outside to stare at the seagulls lest I put my fist through the monitor.

This is a big deal to me when I'm happy. Imagine what it's like to wade through it all when it seems so completely pointless.

That's where the Really Important Stuff comes in.

Which is a good place for me to sign out.

* We Real Magazine Writers call magazines "books," probably to give ourselves some fraudulent but much-needed dignity.

** If her "book" covered a wider range of topics, that is. Some years ago, I put in time doing a major selling job to get a fancier magazine to hire her. If they had, I would be their word-slave. They dug her too, but didn't offer her enough money to make her want to relocate.


John said...

I say if it ties in that strongly, spill "the really important stuff".

If you have to use variables, like N, X, Y,Z, R, etc. then so be it.
It always sounds like one way or another you need to do it. Maybe if you do, and you read it over, you will gain a slight bit of temporary relief or distraction.

I like the sound of this editor.

MrScribbler said...

John -- In 20+ years, I have worked with three editors who came very close to perfection. She's one of them.

I'll take your suggestion under advisement. It's scary.

lowandslow said...

I hate it when I have so much work I struggle just to stay even. But I hate having NO work even more. That scares the bejeebers out of me. And like John said, spill it. If nobody wants to read that part, they can just move along. At least you will get it out. :)

Anonymous said...

I have those things that need to be done, but keep putting them off. Some things I don't want to face others things====. I am so tired of thinking about I would just love to blow my brain up.

Anonymous said...

Screed. Well-used!

And I like the phrase, 'leventy-seven. For the sake of exaggeration I, myself, prefer the more pedestrian "eleven-teen".

Best wishes,

sugarcane said...

It's taken me five hours to design two fact sheets and a book cover... I feel your pain honey.

Maybe you can design for me and I can write for you. That would be interesting I bet.

benb said...

Hi Scribbs:
During my divorce era and church shunning era, I went through a period of 8 months of depression. It included going 3, 4, and 5 days without getting any sleep, and still trying to go to work every day. No really, I mean periods of sleeplessness that seem impossible. The sleeplessness exageratted the depression, the two things literally sucked the life out of me. Day time was as black as night, life wasn't worth living, I wanted to die.
It took time, but eventually, I scratched and clawed my way out of it, a lot of stuff happened to help me through it. I only say this to say that I understand what you are going through.
Depression is no laughing matter - I REALLY hope you find your way out of this quickly.

joan said...

Wow. You are in demand right now. Well done! It is still better than the alternative of not having enough to do. Wish they paid you better though. That takes the joy out of it. Hang in there.

Kim said...

Scrib, this is your blog - you should just write what you want and screw it if nobody reads it. Might be cathartic getting it out there.