Monday, February 04, 2008

I've been writing...

...just not here.

You need to understand that while the dung has well and truly hit the fan and I have been in the grip of looking at my own considerable mistakes, errors and misjudgments, I can't let myself either sink into a coma or rashly jump ship and try something new.

While I search for new options, I have to keep doing the same crap I've been doing for years: writing articles for clients whom I tend to dislike either for their payment policies or attitudes. Or, in most instances, both.

And the writing, while necessary, ain't easy. I've written some 4500 words in the last seven days, and have had to force myself to like them enough to push the button and ship 'em out. It was, in fact, research that took up the majority of my time...in one instance, I needed to be convinced that the subject of the article wasn't counterfeit. I ended up planting a few strong caveats in the piece....

In between, I've tried to work out the "what's next?" question. At times, that has brought me to a screeching halt. Some of the alternatives aren't pretty, and all depend on the cooperation/good will/good sense of other people to some extent. It must be said I no longer feel particularly good about that, but it's reality.

PARENTHETICAL SOME-PEOPLE-ARE-GLORIOUS-EXCEPTIONS NOTE: One individual did something for me that was above and beyond, well, any kind of friendship I've experienced in recent years. I'm not sure I would have done it had the roles been reversed, but I'd like to believe I would. It is far from certain that any good will come of it for me, but the gesture was magnificent. I'm delighted to feel obligated to this person.

Beyond the total balls-up of my own life, I've had to pay some attention to to the elections, as tomorrow is voting day here. Turns out it's quite simple: I will walk into the booth, vote "no" on every damn proposition and measure the foul greedheads in government have put on the ballot. Since I am what California calls a "decline to state" (party-affiliation-wise), I don't have to vote for any of the presidential candidates who, in my opinion, are, without exception, the most dangerous bunch of liars, schemers, power-grabbers and knaves we've ever had to deal with. It amazes the hell out of me to see people actually cheering for and supporting any of these fools.

I wish I could say I haven't had time to feel lonely. It is times like these when the feeling is most intense and painful.

But since there are elements of this situation that I have never written about, and never will, I'm not going there.

It just sucks to be me, Jim.

The best I can say is I have survived up to now. That's none too reassuring.

11 comments:

Anne said...

I'd respond with something insanely witty or insightful if i weren't so busy nodding my head with enormous understanding. Better days ahead -- that's what they keep saying, so it must be true. I just hope they get here before i take off my party dress and highheels.

Anonymous said...

Makes it pretty tough to give helpful input when the basic elements of the problem are a secret, Jim.

Justfly said...

You have people that care about you Scribbs. I would be one of them.

emd said...

Me too, Scrib. Glad to see you're back.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you're back. I missed you. I agree about the candidates, there's not one I want to vote for. What to do, what to do. Sadly, there's nothing we can do.
Betty

DAL said...

I am relieved that you have finally respondes to our cries for news, Scribbs. You did warn in the previous post that you were going to have a stressful time ahead. You just forgot to tell us you were going to be incommunicado...

Kim said...

Shoes. Go with candidate who wears the nicest shoes on the day.

Japee said...

We left the porch light on and we're glad you are surviving. Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

Comments wants to act up again. I always think that means I must have said the wrong thing, so I'll try the anonymous option and not say anything.
Sincerely,
John aka Jim aka H.Ofly

Anonymous said...

We like you, and I like you.
Roz

Birdie said...

you hopefully know how relieved I am to hear from you. Gosh, I think I've been returning here at least twice a day to check up on you!

Hang in there! I should be flying over in August again and I hope to meet you again!