I've been writing...

...just not here.

You need to understand that while the dung has well and truly hit the fan and I have been in the grip of looking at my own considerable mistakes, errors and misjudgments, I can't let myself either sink into a coma or rashly jump ship and try something new.

While I search for new options, I have to keep doing the same crap I've been doing for years: writing articles for clients whom I tend to dislike either for their payment policies or attitudes. Or, in most instances, both.

And the writing, while necessary, ain't easy. I've written some 4500 words in the last seven days, and have had to force myself to like them enough to push the button and ship 'em out. It was, in fact, research that took up the majority of my time...in one instance, I needed to be convinced that the subject of the article wasn't counterfeit. I ended up planting a few strong caveats in the piece....

In between, I've tried to work out the "what's next?" question. At times, that has brought me to a screeching halt. Some of the alternatives aren't pretty, and all depend on the cooperation/good will/good sense of other people to some extent. It must be said I no longer feel particularly good about that, but it's reality.

PARENTHETICAL SOME-PEOPLE-ARE-GLORIOUS-EXCEPTIONS NOTE: One individual did something for me that was above and beyond, well, any kind of friendship I've experienced in recent years. I'm not sure I would have done it had the roles been reversed, but I'd like to believe I would. It is far from certain that any good will come of it for me, but the gesture was magnificent. I'm delighted to feel obligated to this person.

Beyond the total balls-up of my own life, I've had to pay some attention to to the elections, as tomorrow is voting day here. Turns out it's quite simple: I will walk into the booth, vote "no" on every damn proposition and measure the foul greedheads in government have put on the ballot. Since I am what California calls a "decline to state" (party-affiliation-wise), I don't have to vote for any of the presidential candidates who, in my opinion, are, without exception, the most dangerous bunch of liars, schemers, power-grabbers and knaves we've ever had to deal with. It amazes the hell out of me to see people actually cheering for and supporting any of these fools.

I wish I could say I haven't had time to feel lonely. It is times like these when the feeling is most intense and painful.

But since there are elements of this situation that I have never written about, and never will, I'm not going there.

It just sucks to be me, Jim.

The best I can say is I have survived up to now. That's none too reassuring.