Thursday, February 28, 2008

By popular demand...

...I must confess that the paramedics did not use the ambulance's siren while hauling me to the hospital a day ago. Used 'em coming down here; I remember hearing them as I sat on the porch.

I wasn't entirely clear on the reason why. There were two choices: the first, of course, was that they were convinced I wasn't in any real danger. Or it could have been that they had decided it was all over, and were just being polite by not pulling the blanket up over my face just yet.

I was thinking about both possibilities.

I've had more than my share of "oh, ****" moments in my life. Most were in situations where I had at least a small amount of control over events. In such cases, there is less fear than adrenalin working; as events unfold, you are coping and -- perhaps this is because I walked away from them all -- never really just hang it up and await the inevitable.

Yesterday was not like that.

After hooking me up to their portable EKG machine (I still have red marks and some missing chest hair from the sensors they stuck on me) the paramedics apparently knew I wasn't having a heart attack. I didn't know that. What I knew was that the air that was plentiful for everyone else wasn't getting to me. I knew the sun was damn hot on my face. I knew I wanted to be unconscious. I knew all sorts of bad emotions that had been building up over recent months were surfacing, and I knew I was embarrassed that I couldn't control them.

You have no control when strapped to the stretcher.

I never got to the "heavenly light" stage. In fact, I was conscious every moment, angry because all the miserable crap that makes me unhappy had to get wrapped up in all this. Everything bad fed on everything else bad.

But I'm still not able to write about what was going through my head in detail.

I had nightmares last night. But at least I slept.

I'm feeling slightly better today. I can breathe, anyway.

But something broke yesterday. And I don't know how long it will take for the break to heal. If it ever heals.

92 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mr. Scribbler is in ICU. He was rushed to the hospital this morning. He is very sick. Please pray for him. I am his neighbor and would be happy to field questions for those close to him. You may email me at dear.fren@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

I wish I knew if that comment is legit or not ... hard to tell with an anonymous post coupled with a yahoo email.

However, in the event that it IS true, please tell him that at least two of his readers on JS wish him a full and speedy recovery. Actually, make that at least four!

Anonymous said...

I am not comfortable posting my personal information on the internet. I am his neighbor and friend. If you would like to email me, I would be happy to let him know which JS readers are thinking about him.

Trust me, this is no joke.

Anonymous said...

Tell him Fin and his fiance wish him speedy recovery, and I am fairly sure I could speak for Westy, Low and Slow and Harpo as well, but I am sure they will be by to convey their own good wishes.

He has always scrupulously guarded his true identity, but you might ask him whether he would permit his hospital address or phone number to be posted here. More than one jser would likely call him to wish him well.

Fin and BG

John said...

I sent an email to your addr as provided.
We know each other and this is a shock because I had just answered a message from him.

Please let me know if you get my email.

John said...

oh I'm John aka harpofly

Kim said...

Oh my God. Please tell him that Kim and Simon are thinking of him and wishing him well.

Thanks for being a good neighbour and looking out for him.

Anonymous said...

Thank you Fin and BG. When he becomes coherent, I will him know your thoughts and prayers are with him.

John - pleasure speaking with you.

Holly

Anonymous said...

Thank you Kim and Simon.

John said...

Scrib has the nicest best neighbors in the world.

Anonymous said...

Oh please give him my love and best wishes. I'm praying for him. I didn't know any of this happened. :(
Betty

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Betty. Thank you, all. Prayers, please........ lots of prayers.

Holly

DAL said...

This is Doug. Scribbs has been a friend of mine since I came to Journalspace nearly 2 1/2 years ago. I send him my wishes for quick recovery as well, Holly.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Dal. I will be going back to the hospital first thing tomorrow morning to check on Scribbs. I will post sometime tomorrow with an update. Out of respect for Scribbs privacy, I am not posting detailed information.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

Holly

Birdie said...

this is Birdie aka Westy aka Dorrie

I have met Scribbs personally while visiting my folks in San Diego. Pleeeeease let him know I'm thinking of him!!

Thank you so much for taking care of him! I am glad he has such lovely neighbors who care! Many of us care about him, too.

And he better be well enough for us to visit again when I fly over in August or I'll be one upset little Birdie! *wink*

WhimsicalMadCap said...

Mr. S, wishing you a speedy recovery and renewed spring in your soul's step!

Concerned,

WMC

Ptolemy said...

SCRIB! Praying for peace and wellness for you... And thanks to your neighbor who was indeed a real neighbor when you needed one...

from your regular journal reader who also reads you in magazines...

Holly said...

2/29/08 - Update: Spent 2 hours at the hospital this morning with Scribbs. He is still in ICU, but is coherent, finally has some color and was able to communicate by nodding yes and/or no. I mentioned all of your names, told him how much he is loved and cared about and that we're all rootin' for him. A tear slid down the side of his cheek. He's got a ways to go, but seems to be improving - slowly. Thank you ALL!

Holly

Anonymous said...

Hi Holly

First, let me add my thanks to those who have expressed their gratitude to you for being such a wonderful friend as well as good neighbor to the dude we call Scrib.

Second, can you give us an approximate time he is expected to be in hospital? A diagnosis would perhaps be too personal, and I guess those of us who want to know have already found out which hospital. Prognosis would also be much appreciated. His last written lines here seem kind of gloomily prophetic right now.

He reached out to literally dozens of JSers over the years, leaving remarks on at least 30 different blogs that I can remember which were always, unfailingly upbeat and positive. I would like to think that the paucity of good wishes from some of these recipients of his outpouring of good will is due to their lack of knowledge of the circumstances.

Again, thank you Holly!

Fin and Blogger Girl

Anonymous said...

Breath-e at JS would gladly do just that for Jim. Please send him my love.

Holly said...

Fin & Blogger Girl,

I don't know how long he will be in the hospital. As I mentioned, he is still in ICU. As of 11:30 this morning, it looks like he might be there another day or two. Once the medical staff determines that he is out of the woods, they will transfer him out of ICU to another wing in the hospital.

Patients in ICU cannot receive flowers, plants or food. I'm sure you can send a card if you have figured out what hospital he is in. I'm certainly not trying to be coy, but given that this is a public blog, I am sure you can understand my reservation in posting anything more specific. I have great respect for Scribbs and his privacy.

Hope this helps.

Holly

sugarcane said...

Please send my love to Scrib. I had the pleasure of meeting him over the summer, and I'm sending my prayers now.
Kelly

japee said...

What dreadful news. Poor Scribbs. I hate to think of him in ICU. All me best for a speedy recovery and thanks for keeping us posted.
Joan

Lubie said...

My thoughts are with Mr.S and I am sending him all the good vibes I have to spare. Hope he has a quick recovery. He will be missed in his absence.~Sue

Anonymous said...

Thankyou Holly for keeping us informed. Please give Mr Scribbs a hug from me from across the ocean and tell him that I will be praying. Hes very special to a lot of us on JS..thankyou

Susananne

Anonymous said...

Holly,

Please tell him Scott and Kelly (lowandslow and dkmcb01) wish him a speedy recovery. We'll say many prayers for him. He is a wonderful guy. And thank you for keeping us updated.

Scott

Anonymous said...

Please give him this message and he would know who it is from

"Get better soon Soca Sam. Praying hard for you."

Anonymous said...

Holly,

Thank you so much for letting us know and for being there for MrS. We do love him, he's part of our family. Many prayers are being said.

Betty

Wizardress said...

Holly,
Thank you so much for keeping us updated on Scribbs situation.

He has touched so many of us on JS, myself included. Please give him a hug from me, and let him know that I'm praying for him to have a speedy recovery.

Lori aka Wizardress

Justfly said...

Holly, tell him I miss him. I am counting on a speedy recovery!
There is certainly an empty spot on the worldwideweb without him.

Anonymous said...

Holly,

Thanks for the updates. My thoughts are with him. He is such a sweetheart and I wish him a fast recovery.

Gill

Anonymous said...

Oh,Scrib,please,please..get better.
You have to know you've never been alone, and we all remain here at your side as always.Come home soon.
My thoughts are with you.

KIT said...

When I saw that it had been 3-days since Mr. S. had stopped-by my journal I got a little worried.

Please get well soon. Thing2 and I are thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

I am glad your ok. Having no control over what happens to your life next...SUCKS. I have knocked at deaths door twice. I thought of my kids the first time (who would raise them) and my father the second (I think it was fear. You haven't been having the best cpl of months, I am thinking of you. Be well. LL

Anonymous said...

I am glad your ok. Having no control over what happens to your life next...SUCKS. I have knocked at deaths door twice. I thought of my kids the first time (who would raise them) and my father the second (I think it was fear. You haven't been having the best cpl of months, I am thinking of you. Be well. LL

Anonymous said...

MrS, I am praying for you...I just got on js and found out you are not well. I hope you make it back to us soon!

Anonymous said...

3/1/08 - Update:

Scribbs remains in ICU. I won't be able to see him until tomorrow morning, but have been receiving updates through another neighbor and the nurses station.

When I see Scribbs tomorrow morning I will let him know that the outpouring of love and support from his faithful readers and friends continues. For those of you who have emailed asking where to send a card, I will get back to you tomorrow after I see Scribbs and get his permission.

Thank you for your support, well wishes and love.

Holly

Birdie said...

thanks Holly.... I'm keeping people informed at my journalspace blog...

westy.journalspace.com

I'll add your up-date to it

Anonymous said...

Having been ill myself I missed that MrS ended up back in the hospital! thots and prayers for you! Loupylou

Sunny said...

Oh noooo. I just now heard about this.

Please tell Ray (Scribbs) that Sunny has and will continue to pray for him.

I will pray heavy duty....sending Angels to watch over him.

Come on MrScribbler, you can do it, get well asap. hugs from Sunny

becomingkate said...

Holly, it's so nice of you to keep us updated.
Scribs - hope you're doing better! Lots of love and *hugs* from me and Bill.

Interested said...

Been MIA myself for a few weeks now.

Sending love, hugs and prayers.

~Int

Sally said...

I hope he is getting better! Tell him Sally send her love. Thanks!

EarlGrey said...

My prayers are with the big guy. Hang in there Mr. S!

Robert/EG

Bree said...

OH Scribby... Im devestated you are going through such a difficult time. Ive had my own fair share of stress lately and I know it can reek havoc on your mind, body and soul. Please know that there are SO many people out here who care about you, who have so much love for you, who look up to you for all the strength you show and who need your insight on your own life to help them deal with theirs. I am one of these people, I care about you so much, and am sending every positive iota of energy I can muster straight through the universe and directly into your soul! Hang in there, there are so many of us here, waiting in the wings for your safe return. We need you around, so don't you dare give up.

~Bree

Anonymous said...

3/2/08 - Update:

Scribbs remains in ICU. I spent about 3 hours with him this morning. He is improving, although is very very tired. Keep sending all of your positive thoughts, energy, prayers, etc., his way. I will post again this evening.

Holly

Anonymous said...

Hugs from us!

Lucy & Girl

Birdie said...

thanks Holly! I am really worried about him.... {{{hugs}}}

Kim said...

Thanks for the updates Holly. You're a star for all of this. We all really miss Scrib around our little JS community.
Kim (Kimmywoo).

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Holly. We're all anxiously awaiting his return. He is missed!

Japee said...

Thanks Holly! Exactly what we need to hear.

benb said...

I was rather shocked to read all of this - Mr Scribbs - my prayers are with you, as well as those of several thousand more since I am posting this event on a prayer list. I do wish you a speedy recovery.
benb

benb said...

Upon further reading, to Holly, thank you for being a good neighbor, an awesome neighbor, to Scribbs! Please let him know I am thinking about him and only hope for the best for him in speedy recovery and health. I'm also a JS'er.
benb

Holly said...

3/2/08 - Evening Update:

Good News! Scribbs has made significant progress in his recovery. He will remain in ICU, but if all goes well through the night he will be transferred to another wing in the hospital tomorrow.

I printed pages of supportive comments and posts you have all made for Scribbs reading pleasure this evening.

Your support and the excellent care he has received from the hospital staff has gotten him through this very shaky time.

Stay tuned.

Anonymous said...

Thanks once again Holly. Can you say what the basic diagnosis was?

Any idea how long before he will be released?

Anonymous said...

No, I will not be posting Scribbs' diagnosis.

As I mentioned, he remains in ICU. If all goes well, he will be transferred to another wing in the hospital tomorrow where he will continue to recover, improve and regain his strength. Since I am not a doctor or a nurse, I have no idea when he will be discharged.

Thank you for your support.

Holly

sugarcane said...

Hey Holly... thank you for taking good care of our dear friend. I'm praying again for Scrib, and also sending a word of thanks that Scrib has you and your family in his life.

John said...

He probably had no idea what a celebrity he is.
This sounds good. I'm expecting the trend to continue.

kashew said...

Hey MrS, my thoughts are with you. You have many, many people out here wishing you well, and I'm adding my hopes for a quick recovery. San Diego isn't that far away...please let me know if I can do anything for you. Hang in there!

Sunny said...

Thankyou, Holly for the updates and taking care of our JS MrScribbler!

This new update sounds so promising!

Please let Scribbs know I'm still steady praying for him too.

I was in a similar situation 2004 and I know prayers do work!

*hugs* from Sunny

Sunny said...

PS: God bless you too, Holly! What a wonderful neighbor you are! *hugs* for you too,
Sunny

Justfly said...

The world wide web is looking forward to your return Scribbs. Hurry back, it is lonely without you!

becomingkate said...

Good news!
I'm glad you're okay Scribs. *hugs*

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the update, Holly. Please give Scribbs our best wishes. :)

S
lowandslow

benb said...

That's good to hear - I was worrying about him last night and today at work. He's been such an encouragement to me when I have been down and dumpy or going through extreme circumstances, I just hope we all can be an encouragement back! We all love ya, Scribbs, and are praying for a speedy, healthful recovery!
benb

Holly said...

3/3/08 - Update:

Scribbs is out of ICU! He has been moved to a room with a window and is relishing the view. He has a ways to go before he will be returning to his digs, but this is definitely an improvement.

On behalf of Scribbs, "thank you all for your unwavering love, support, prayers, thoughts, and well wishes!"

Holly

Justfly said...

Thanks for the update Holly.
*waving from the Eastcoast*
Sending good vibes your way Mr Scribbs!

Kim said...

Phew! Thanks for the info Holly. I'm really pleased he's doing better. All the best from Australia.

DAL said...

Good for you, Scribbs. We have all been so worried, and will continue to cheer you up and on as you recover.

Doug

sugarcane said...

Thanks for keeping us updated Holly.

Woohoo! I'm so happy to hear Scrib is on his way to good health. Send my love to him, please.

Kelly

Japee said...

Hip Hip Hurrah! A room with a view no less.

Anonymous said...

Excellent!
ao

Birdie said...

thanks again for the up-date! such a relief! but I bet he is bored stiff... and thinking too much!

give him a hug from Germany!

John said...

After a bout like that, I doubt boredom is in the picture. He's got great people visiting him and found out things he may not have realized before.

Ptolemy said...

I'm so glad someone is representing all of Scribs faithful readers/friends for us and visiting him when we, from around the world, cannot... Congratulations on making the step-up and out from the ICU to a room with a view. Rest! Relax! Keep your mind blank and only think of all your friends on the WWW who send love, concern and prayer your way. You have certainly taken a beating, but you remain an inspiration.

Anonymous said...

What a relief, Holly! Thank you so much for keeping us updated and please give MrS a hug!
Betty

Anonymous said...

I've been out of the JS loop and just heard the news. I'm so glad that MrS is showing some improvement.
Healing hugs, many prayers, and tons of good thoughts from inneedofgrace

Japee said...

I talked to MrScribbler today. Wow. It was so good to hear his voice on the phone and sounding well. He says he is weak as a kitten but certainly on the mend. It sounds like he has been to hell and back, lucky to be alive and that the outpouring of support and affection has made all the difference in the world in his recovery. His neighbor Holly (God bless her!) has been printing out the stacks of comments and bringing them to his bedside. He says he can't describe how heartwarming it has been to know of all the prayers and well wishes coming his way. I told him there were well over 70 comments on his site alone.

A few days ago when I talked to one of his nurses in ICU I explained that he was a well known character on the internet. Heh. That should leave them all bewildered. Today I asked to be transferred to the Gift Shop and talked to a volunteer. (I'm the Volunteer Director in a South Carolina hospital). She scurried around to find the right thing to send to a gentleman and ended up choosing an arrangement of daisies for us which will be taken up with best wishes for a speedy recovery from his JS friends.

Thank you Holly for taking such good care of MrS.

Justfly said...

78 comments, wow Scribby, you are one loved guy here on the net!
Keep that healing going! We need you back here!

emd said...

Wow...just came on here and read this whole thing. I'm happy that Scribbs is doing better! Take care, buddy!

HOLLY said...

Japee,

Thanks for the update!! I have been buried in work today and didn't get a chance to see Scribbs. I touched base with him via telephone AM and PM. He is very eager to get out of that hospital. He was tickled with the flowers you sent.

I think Scribbs might be feeling like a bit of a celebrity. I see 80 comments posted here.

I have a sneaking suspicion that Scribbs might be coming home tomorrow.

Stay tuned........

Holly

Kim said...

Japee, thanks for sending those flowers and keeping us updated. We all respect and admire Scrib and I miss his presence here. Get well soon Scrib.

Birdie said...

thanks once again Holly and you, too, Japee!! Being so far away my resources are restricted and because of the time difference (9 hours) I haven't attempted to call. But this is the first place I check for up-dates.

For all those interested, I have collected all entries (and comments) that I know of which refer to Scribby under the following address:

http://www.dorrie.de/Friends/MrScribbler/scribby.htm

Get well Scribby!

Birdie aka Westy aka Dorrie

Windviel said...

Mr. Scrib,

You've obviously got a very large fan club out there wishing you a full and rapid recovery. May we join the many others who hope that you'll back on the road soon.

MUSTANG ROLLING

thelioness said...

Get well, Mr.S.
Andy and Carla are thinking of you and wishing you a speedy recovery!

Sunny said...

Hope you will be home asap, MrScribbler! I wish you a total speedy recovery, love and hugs, Sunny

becomingkate said...

86 comments! I thought I'd stop by to see if you're home yet. *hugs*

Justfly said...

Stopping by for the same reason as kate. Just wondering if you are home yet.
Still sending you get well good wishes.

Birdie said...

peek-a-boo... looking for news.

Hope you're feeling good enough to get home!

Anonymous said...

Will darn it all. You tell that man for Roz he had best get better. I care and will be keeping good thoughts for him.

Roz another JS'er

benb said...

Thank you Japee and Holly for the update. I guess we don't find out what actually has happened to Mr. Scribbler until he gets back to his computer and maybe tells us?!
The prayer group I'm affiliated with and I are still holding you up in prayer!
Getter better and get healthy!!
benb

WhimsicalMadCap said...

That's exciting news, Mr. S., to hear you're coming home soon. May your strength---and courage---flourish like Spring's greenery!

Blessings from WMC