A brief moment of anticipatory joy...

...this afternoon, while I was trying to work. I had the radio on, volume turned low, as I often do, and heard a newscaster announcing indictments against a bunch of individuals with strange nicknames.

I wanted to leap from my chair and shout in sheer exuberance! At last, I thought, this year's elections will have to be canceled, and we'll have to start all over to find decent candidates!

It all seemed so right. Without the Black Man, the Woman, the Maverick, the Conservative, the Fundamentalist -- and the recently departed Ambulance-Chaser-With-Heart -- the political parties, which seem about as relevant to me these days as Mad King Ludwig, might actually have to reach out and find some humans to put up for public office.

My hopes were quickly dashed, of course. The real guys nailed by the Feds were listed here.

The nicknames were, naturally, better than those given the knavish crooks in Washington (though I gotta give a tip of the hat to Larry "Wide Stance" Craig).

Now facing trial for their misdeeds are a whole list of Family Guys including "The Greaseball," "Bobby the Jew," "Tommy Sneakers," and "Mike the Electrician." Some arrestees, like Gambino captain Leonard DiMaria, even have multiple nicknames. DiMaria, the indictment notes, is known alternately as "L," "Lenny," "The Conductor," "Nike," "Uncle," and "Fatso." Ditto one Nicholas Corrozo, who is also called "The Little Guy," "Seymour," "Grandpa" and "Grandfather."

One name in particular from the story struck me. I was once taken from Midtown Manhattan to JFK in a limo being driven by one of the guy's former drivers, left jobless when his boss did previous jail time. Heard some fascinating stories, too. I was glad traffic was heavy; I could have listened for hours.

Naturally, I'm not saying who.

But I will say that had my driver been the ex-wheelman for Clinton (either one), Obama, McCain or Romney, all I would have said was "Yo, get me to the airport and shaddup, willya?"

It's a sad commentary when organized-crime figures are more interesting -- and often more human, even (in their own strange ways) more honest -- than politicians....