...even at this most absurd time to believe that things can work out.
Some of that is due to my friend R., and his dad, G. I have talked to them three times this weekend -- twice with R., once with G. -- and they have, as always, made me feel as if I'm really worth something.
It's not something that happened because I was singing the blues about the cesspool I'm drowning in. It is more just a matter of them liking me, for who I am and what I know.
That really helps when you're way, way down.
I empathize with G. We are nearly the same age, and have experiences with some of the same people and places in our strange corner of the musical world. He called at around 11:00 last night, and we talked until maybe 1:30. Ah, the old stories, the old people, neither of which mean much to the general public, but shaped us, for better or worse.
G. has had rough times in recent years. It means nothing. At heart, he remains a good man, and I spent some time bugging him to return to his God-given talent, which is music. There's a selfish reason: I want to hear him perform. Like R., he is a monster talent.
The dreams? I would love nothing more than to hang with R. and G. and make music. They were born for that and I, with far less talent, feel the same urge.
In those dreams, I'd bring in a few other friends, who would dig the scene. Few things in life express love as well as music played from the heart and soul. And I would feel regret for one who is no longer a friend, but would have fit right in.
Should I survive the next few months, I will be hooking up with R. If all goes according to plan, I'll then head up to his neck of the woods, bunk with him and his wife, and get together with G. At which point, I'll remind him, again, that he needs to be heard. I have a couple of recordings of him from years past; what he has forgotten is more than I know now.
One thing you learn as the years go by: who and what you love make up all that is worthwhile about life.
I know that, now. All I need to do is somehow get a chance to take one more shot at making them the focus of my attention.
Maybe the dream will go all the way, and I'll take someone I love with me, so she can share in a unique passion.
15 hours ago