Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Who am I kidding?

I've been trying to amuse myself with the recent photo posts, trying to forget that I have been fighting a pervasive and paralyzing depression for the better part of six months.

It hasn't worked.

I have spent most of today fighting the demons. They are winning.

Don't bother reminding me some people have it much worse. I know that, and I ache for them. It frustrates me that I can't help make their lives better, help free them of the problems both mental and physical that are making their lives unhappy right now.

Even so, I cannot escape my own dark thoughts and my own pain.

Less than a half-year ago, I loved and trusted, was optimistic about the future, was eager to do battle with anything that stood in the way of my goals and desires. Amazing what having someone love you and promise you joyous -- if sometimes difficult -- days ahead can do.

How things change....

I still love. But I might as well not bother. The rest is gone.

6 comments:

Katy said...

You're not so old that you can't recover from your present day delema with love. Anne sends her love.

DAL said...

I don't like to council anyone on anything except computers.

But.

You might want to talk to an ibobfymr

MrScribbler said...

I need to have my mzwbnqsq examined I guess, dal.

DAL said...

We are just online friends, but we want to see you thrive and be happy.

MrScribbler said...

It's much appreciated, dal.

gillardia said...

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I really hope things can turn aruond for you soon. *HUGS*

Gill