Friday, August 15, 2008

Feeling old this morning...

...which should come as no surprise. After all, I am old!

It's a strange sensation. In many respects, I'm in better shape physically than I was at age 35. I weighed more then, ate poorly -- I was married; my wife had a taste for the kinds of meals that are considered verboten today -- and certainly didn't get as much exercise.

In fact, I feel as if I'm 35 most days, and that is, as it should be, a good thing.

But there are exceptions, and today is one of them.

I look at the road ahead, measure its length and my strength, and wonder how much longer I can continue the battle. Worse, life has an evil way of showing me what I should have seen when I was 35 (or should be 35 now to savor), personal relationships and adventures forever denied to me at least in part because I have too many miles showing on my life's odometer.

Being married when I was 35, and staring into the barrel of an upcoming career change, my focus was on objects at close range. No looking at any sort of bigger picture and, even though I was beginning to realize that a divorce was imminent, no looking around for fresh companionship.

That number -- 35 -- just sits in my mind. Thirty would do; so would 40.

There's a lot of goodness, ability and energy left in this old body. Who will see that? Who will want to see that?

I won't write my answer as it seems to be now.

If nothing else, this shows why I don't write entries early in the day right now. One bad dream (at least I'm guessing that's what did it; don't remember) messes me up for the whole morning.

Maybe the rest of the day will be better. Here's hoping.

6 comments:

Elizabeth said...

I, and ALL your readers I think, see that there is a lot of goodness in you. So there!

Birdie said...

don't you dare talk about OLD, mister! humpf

When I think of all that my dad did after he retired... and he's now 85... there is still a LOT that can happen, if you let it! ok, and if fate adds some positive stuff, too. But it's not impossible.

Anonymous said...

Hey...watch it with this "old" talk. You're just a few months older than me. I re-married at age 56. It isn't over 'till you say it's over. It wouldn't take long on Google to find tons of examples of people who have made magnificent contributions and experienced entire new leases on life well past your age. Say/write what you want, but you know I'm right. :)

S

MrScribbler said...

birdie and S -- notice that I qualified my statements...they reflect how I feel at the low points, one of which I'm obviously in right now.

If/when I pull through this (much aided by the help and encouragement all y'all have provided!) I will be back to trying to beat that ol' devil age.

Of course it would help if AARP didn't keep soliciting me!

A Magpie's Nest of Treasures said...

My dear Grandmother used to say
"Cry before breakfast, sing before supper".

The day will get better if you let it.

Sending hugs and prayers your way~ db

susananne said...

Mr Scribbs am so late in catching up but i wanted to show my support. God bless you my friend.