Playing house...

...since I don't want to leave you with a sour taste in your collective mouth after the last entry. Misery does not, after all, love company.

In my wanderings yesterday, I found myself in the residential areas surrounding downtown Los Angeles. There is a not-nice word that applies to these districts; instead of using it, I'll just say there are barred windows and crumbling houses everywhere, and a general air of filth and decay that is, shall we say, uninspiring.

But if you happen to hit the right streets, you'll find this...


There is a district full of Victorian houses which has, for almost 20 years, been undergoing the "gentrification" process. Many of the homes have been restored -- at considerable expense -- and even those not yet brought back to full splendor are being worked on...



Not all Victorians are alike, of course...



And there are occasional newer houses (from the early 1900s), like this one in the "California Bungalow" style, which is my favorite...



But in this two- or three-block area, some of what once made Los Angeles a great city is being preserved...



And even though I will never, ever be able to afford one of these wonderful homes, I still enjoy looking...

Dream and reality.

Today was, if possible, worse than yesterday. Another 24 hours gone, and no respite from the things that are breaking me apart.

My sleep last night was visited by a dream I had rather often when I was very young and still something of a church-going Christian. On a fairly regular basis, I would dream of a place "where God was," where I felt warm and safe, and not afraid.

When I grew a bit older and could drive, I actually found that place. It was in a canyon not far from where I lived. I would go up there, hike and feel as if everything would be okay.

When the dream recurred last night, I knew I had to drive up there today. It's a fair distance now, and the wild "park" is now a Park and Interpretive Nature Center, complete with signs telling visitors what they can't do and a huge asphalt parking lot. The trails closest to the entrance are bordered by neatly placed stones.

The place that figured in my youthful dreams was there...



But God wasn't. The few times I heard bird-calls, they were almost immediately drowned out by the sounds of hammers, nailguns and saws being used to mansionize houses on the canyon rim. I could hear traffic, airplanes, helicopters....

It is no longer a refuge. No sense of safety, no sense of peace.

I hiked around for a while, enjoyed the sun, but felt more depressed when I left. I felt slightly foolish, too, looking for answers in such a place, expecting some all-powerful Creator-type to show any sort of sign about giving a rat's ass about me now, when my life so far has been totally free of any sort of divine intervention.

Of course when I came home, nothing had happened. Not even the things that should have happened because I earned them.

I'm not talking about winning lottery tickets or love simply stopping by out of the blue. I'm talking about things most people accept as their due.

So if anyone out there feels any particular connection to God, please let Him/Her/It know I could use a couple of basic breaks here in a big, big hurry. I've hung up the search.

Outsourcing...

...is inescapable!



I didn't realize the City of L.A. has its manhole covers made in India. Thought it was just "customer service" phone banks....

An evil day...

...when nothing good happened, not even those things I have a right to expect. It was cold and gray, which matched my mood...



I drove around aimlessly for almost five hours. I needed to be away, needed to see something that would cheer me up, make me feel any shred of enthusiasm. Mostly, the drive did nothing except depress me more.

A long time ago, I mentioned my interest in classic architecture and 1920s-vintage movie theaters. When I started noticing such things, there were hundreds of fascinating buildings and dozens of grand movie houses to look at and explore.

So many are gone now. I saw plenty of vacant lots, plenty of cheap shopping malls and hideous new buildings, none of which has any character at all.

And I saw this 1928 movie palace, which is soon to vanish. Except for those downtown, which are incorporated into office buildings and are harder to demolish, the stand-alone theaters are almost all gone now. I never knew what it was called (it has been closed for the better part of 40 years), but have seen records that referred to it as the "Atlantic and Whittier" theater while it was being built.

Each time something familiar and appealing is turned into rubble, it takes a piece of me with it...



So you won't feel as sad as I do, I'll end with a street sign that could only appear in Hollywood...



And a business with a totally incomprehensible name...

Once again...

...I find myself unable to express my thoughts.

Once, I had grandiose dreams of success, of comfort, of love.

Now, I would settle for a secure roof over my head so I could ride out my remaining years in solitude and peace.

I'd like to be loved, but I don't know that I could again trust anyone who says she loves me.

I have some material desires, but most have lost their meaning.

Nothing remains, save a desire to be able to confront a new day without dread.

Even that is, apparently, too much to ask for.

Instead, perhaps I should simply ask for it all to be over.

Yet another railroad job...

...by the notorious Johnny Sutton.

It's not just Ignacio Ramos, Jose Compean, Gilmer Hernandez and David Sipe who have suffered for upholding the laws of this nation as they took an oath to do. Now, we have Gary Brugman, another Border Patrol agent whose story is frighteningly similar to those recounted here before.

Thanks to Harp O'Fly, who posted the link, you can read Brugman's story, in his own words, here.

How many more are being persecuted to satisfy George Bush's pro-illegal urges? How many are in jail already because of Johnnie Sutton's unconstitutional tactics?

Why is Johnnie Sutton not behind bars?

Why is George Bush still in office?

And, just as important, why is Congress silent? Supposedly, Sen Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) wanted to hold hearings into the beating of Ignacio Ramos in prison; her party's "leadership," which controls Congress, has postponed the hearings with no reason given.

This is a case where those who have power to right the monstrous wrongs being perpetrated by agencies of our government, yet remain silent, must bear some of the guilt.

When Johnnie Sutton finally faces justice for his actions, it will not do for him to say he was "only following orders." The order-giver, and his enablers, must be punished as well.

Can we see a pattern here?

Border Patrol agents Ignacio Ramos and Jose Compean are not the only victims of George Bush's open-borders, pro-Mexican fixation -- A Texas deputy sheriff, Gilmer Hernandez, also faces jail time for doing his job. The evidence that Bush's lackeys willfully broke numerous laws (and ignored the Constitution) in their zeal to make the borders safe for illegals -- including drug smugglers -- continues to mount.

But wait, there's more.

An editorial in today's Washington Times exposes yet another instance of the sickening banana-republic "justice" Americans receive at the hands of our so-called leaders. Excerpts follow:

The case of Border Patrol Agent David Sipe is an alarming example of misplaced priorities. On duty in April 2000 near Panitas, Texas, Mr. Sipe, his partner and two other agents responded to a disrupted motion sensor to find between 12 and 15 illegal aliens crossing the border. Most of the illegals followed the agents' instructions and surrendered, but several attempted to flee...

...In the course of making the arrest, Mr. Sipe struck one of the border crossers, a Mexican national named Jose Guevara, in the head with his flashlight. He said it was necessary, but the U.S. Attorney's office said it wasn't. In 2001, Mr. Sipe, who had no previous complaints against him, was convicted for using excessive force, and dismissed from the Border Patrol. The story doesn't end there, and when the conduct of the prosecuting attorney's office came to light Mr. Sipe was tried again and acquitted.

It turns out that three illegal aliens who testified against Mr. Sipe...received a very nice gift package. The Washington Times reported Monday that the three illegals got Social Security cards, witness fees, travel expenses, living expenses and the use of government telephones to call relatives in Mexico, and were allowed to travel to and from Mexico and to North Carolina...

The U.S. Attorney's office, moreover, covered up the generous benefits it had handed out. It failed to disclose the fact that all three illegal aliens had been living together in the months preceding the trial....[and] when Border Patrol agents stopped Mr. Guevara, again traveling with illegal aliens, they let him go when he flashed the "get out of jail card" he got from the prosecutors. "His arrest with illegal aliens was evidence that he was a transporter," wrote the 5th Circuit Court of Appeals in ordering a new trial, "as well as evidence of the extent of the government's support accorded him in order to obtain his testimony."

Does this sound familiar?

Amazingly, David Sipe wants to return to the Border Patrol. But with his record of willingness to uphold the law, I can't imagine Bush's co-conspirators allowing that to happen.

How many times do we have to see this disgusting pattern repeat itself?

For as long as we have a rogue president who is beholden to the corrupt leaders of a foreign country and a pro-illegal-alien, spineless Congress more interested in playing politics and taking bribes than doing the job it is Constitutionally mandated to do.

Nothin'...

...is what I got in the mail today.

And it's stressing me, big-time.

I have received exactly one check from any client. Since January first.

Have I been working? Have I met deadlines, turned in articles that inspired little notes from the editors thanking me for putting out the effort to give them good stuff?

I have.

But somehow, there is a disconnect between doing the work and getting the shitweasels to pay.

Worse, when I finally did get hold of one of the editors on the phone last week -- he returned my call because he wanted to find out when I would have another article completed for him -- it turns out he inadvertently deleted the copy for a story I sent him and somehow forgot to ask for another.

I sent it to him last October. It should already be in print and paid for.

There are few things as humiliating as dodging creditors or trying to explain the strangeness of this so-called "business" to someone who simply wants money.

If everyone paid off tomorrow -- which is as unlikely as, well, another impossible desire of mine -- I would be all caught up, with a few bucks to spare for something frivolous. Like maybe a run to Borders to pick up a couple new books. For me, that would be almost unbearable excitement.

In the meantime, I have to keep a low profile until someone decides they might as well pay.

And I have to keep working, which gets less and less appetizing by the day.

How many more days can I manage this unbalanced balancing act before snapping? I don't know.

Idiots, idiots, everywhere...

...and absolutely no relief in sight.

If you didn't notice -- and many media outlets are still so busy with Anna Nicole Smith and Britney "Kojak" Spears that they might not notice if the world came to an end around them -- we have the unending spectacle of political biggies acting like raving loons.

Take George Bush. Please. Delivering a truly forgettable "President's Day" speech, he compared the war in Iraq to the American Revolution. I can only guess that he's thinking the Middle East needs its own "George W" to lead it out of misery.

No, that can't be it. Mexico needs Jorge Bush to lead its people out of misery and into the USA, where they can have all the benefits American taxpayers can provide.

Then there's Hillary Clinton. She claims the '08 presidential election is about "breaking barriers," or some such crap.

I'd like to see her "break a barrier:" she could try being honest. For once. This is a woman who has done nothing in the Senate, tried to impose a hideous "health-care" scheme on us while Bubba was president, and has been involved with more shady deals than Meyer Lansky, but has never been called to account for a single one.

Teflon Hillary also mentioned today that South Carolina should dispense with the "Stars and Bars" flag of the Confederacy. Why? Because she thinks all Americans should fight under a single flag in time of war.

Yeah, right.

Is this not the same shrill left-wing wacko who joined with the other cowards in Congress to call for surrender in Iraq? Why is she suddenly concerned about soldiers fighting "under one flag?"

Okay, maybe I'm not sensitive enough. Not being descended from either Confederate soldiers, slave-owners or slaves, I have no dog in this hunt. If the good folks of S.C. want to dump the flag, I say let 'em. If they don't, that's cool, too.

Speaking of flags: I'm damn tired of the Mexican flag flying (symbolically) over the White House and Congress. Ignacio Ramos and Jose Compean are still in prison for trying to uphold America's laws, despite flagrant violations of the law committed by Johnnie Sutton, Debra Kanof and the rest of the "Justice Department and Homeland "Security" buffoons carrying out George Bush's orders.

And of course there is another victim, Deputy Sheriff Gilmer Hernandez, who also faces a long stretch in jail for protecting himself when a van-load of illegals tried to run him down. Johnnie Sutton has a hand in this one, too.

Meanwhile, the governor of Michigan is spearheading a plan to welcome illegals to that state to provide cheap labor. There will be advertisements in Mexico offering social services for the illegals who show up in Michigan. The program is called "Venga a Michigan!"

I've long known politicians have no shame. I am beginning to think we should take a stab at doing without all of them for a while. Or, better, throw all their corrupt asses in jail.

Or maybe we should all go on strike.

I just can't do it...

...so I'll stop trying.

Instead of making continued (and ultimately deleted) attempts to explain why I feel one very small step away from total meltdown, I'll just post another cat photo taken during my walk today...



I like cats, and they seem to like me. No cat has ever betrayed my trust.

And that is all I have to say tonight. If I don't shut the hell up now, I may go off the rails completely.

Random out-for-a-walk photo...

Being close to the ocean can have undesirable effects....

GCotW

She must really feel like a Gratuitous Cat! Or at least she must wonder why her people need fake kittycats around when they have the Real Thing...

Saturday afternoon...

...and it's 85 degrees. So, despite the hazy skies, seems like a good day to be out on the water...

Another good one from my email...

...which is simply too good not to share...


EMERGENCY ROOM

The other day, I needed to go to the emergency room.

Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my old Army fatigues and stuck a patch that I had downloaded off the internet onto the front of my shirt.

When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all.

Here's the patch. Feel free to use it the next time you're in need of quicker emergency service.



It also works well if you ever have to use a Laundromat.

Nancy is happy tonight...

...because she and the rest of the unprincipled surrender monkeys in Congress got their way today, and delivered a symbolic slap on the wrist to George Bush. Now, they can start undercutting the military a step at a time, until we end up in another tail-between-our-legs debacle.

Once again, I say I am convinced that Bush is as big a fool -- and as pathetic a military strategist -- as anyone who ever occupied the White House. When it comes to the so-called "war on terror," he has messed up almost every way possible.

But there was something missing in the Democrats' posturing today: they babbled on incessantly about Bush's "failed" policy, and that I agree with. But they offered no constructive alternative. All they did, all they do, is complain.

This is my big gripe about politicians in general and Democrats in particular. They can talk in empty platitudes -- "peace," "health care for all," "an end to global warming" -- until hell freezes over, but when it comes time to offer genuine, constructive solutions, they're too busy posing for photos and raising campaign funds.

There is no problem facing this country that cannot be solved. But the remedies will not come from political hacks who have lobbyists and special-interest campaign contributors whispering in their ears. Nor will they come as long as political party loyalty is more important than loyalty to the citizens of this country.

Politics has become so inbred a game that the players have forgotten they are playing with human lives and the hard-won earnings of their constituents.

I am disgusted with George Bush. But I am equally disgusted with the posturing cowards in Congress. It is past time for all of them to be stripped of their power over us, past time for all of them to be held accountable for their greed and stupidity.

I just don't understand...

...much of anything, when you get right down to it.

Congress, rushing to get away for its week-long version of our one-day holiday, is dead set on passing meaningless resolutions telling George Bush he blew it in Iraq, and they don't like it. But, of course, they "support the troops." They're also making a big point of waving their fingers at Bush while saying "don't you even think of attacking Iran!"

Of course they are also praising him for finally getting the message and coming to an "agreement" with North Korea, even though said agreement is phony as the proverbial three-dollar bill.

Even if you believe Bush has made a horrible mess of the whole Iraq thing -- and I do, believe me -- do you see something wrong in all this?

In a word: Vietnam.

We got into a bad situation there -- thank you, Ike and JFK, who started the whole ugly ball rolling -- and it was made worse by the antiwar movement's tactics. The North Vietnamese knew damn well that they didn't have to negotiate with the U.S.; they could see that Hanoi Jane Fonda, the antiwar members of Congress and the media were doing all the work for them.

Likewise, the terrorists in the Middle East, seeing history repeating itself, know that all they have to do is wait. Nancy Pelosi, John Murtha, John Kerry, the late Teddy Kennedy and the New York Times will ensure that they succeed.

We are, in essence, caught between a rock and a hard place, and the majority of the blame falls on George Bush, who had his personal, twisted reasons for going after Saddam Hussein. The bilge he spews about "bringing democracy" to Iraq and Afghanistan just doesn't wash.

But turning our backs on the situation now and running is sheer folly.

I would have some respect for Congress if they demanded something other than abject retreat. If they told Bush they wanted an end to the nonsense that included some real security for this nation, that would be laudable. Simply making political points by lining up to whine about Bush's idiotic behavior is cowardice, pure and simple.

A sizable percentage of the world understands only strength. They use "negotiations" to their advantage; they have no intention of living up to the promises our "civilized" government drones find meaningful.

This is the one thing Americans -- especially those who "represent" us in Washington -- do not understand. It is the equivalent of "negotiating" with a rabid dog. The dog may wag its tail, but will, in time, bite. That's its nature.

Kim Jong-Il is probably laughing tonight. So, wherever the hell he is, is Osama Bin Laden. Certainly, those who would strap explosives to their bodies are even now thinking about juicy new targets. All of them see weakness in Washington.

And so do I.

The votes in Congress are safe for those who want to run away from Bush's mess. They can, and will, blame him for the collapse of the situation, even though if they force a retreat, it will, in reality, be their fault.

I'm sorry to say it -- it perhaps says something not-too-nice about me -- but I am far more worried about the loss of an American life than I am about the Iraqis, Iranians and North Koreans. If a mushroom cloud over Tehran allows a single American to live who might otherwise die in a terrorist attack, so be it.

That drastic action would not be necessary if we negotiated from a position of strength, which is, despite the attempts of the anti-military forces in Congress, possible. It is the dream-stupefied fools in Washington -- whether in the White House, State Department or Congress -- who don't understand that.

Reversing the situation would involve reversing nearly 60 years of idiocy in Washington. From the Korean war to today, we have listened to the "voices of reason" who thought our enemies would respond positively to sweet reason and lots of monetary assistance. From the Korean war to today, we have ample proof that the course advocated by the fools in Washington is a failure.

My only hope is that we survive as a nation long enough to hold Bush, Pelosi, Murtha, Kerry, Kennedy, Clinton, McCain and the rest to account for their stupidity.

The only "death" I long for is the death of partisan politics when the security of our nation is involved.

Cat report...

Hobbes is home from the vet after a strenuous day of being sedated, x-rayed, poked and prodded and handled rather roughly.

He's fine...



...although from now on he will be getting a daily dose of fish oil to help keep his innards lubricated.

I should have asked the vet to give me a sedative, too. I'm no better at these things than the cat is.

He was amazingly good about it all, though, and has already forgiven me. Feeding him when we got back may have had something to do with it.

But he's home, and happy, and that's all that matters.

What do I have to do...

...to get out of this freekin' rut?

Today sucked. No other way to put it.

No need to write out the whole list. It's easier to tell you what didn't anger me today:

Wait, please. I'm thinking.

A couple of people sent nice cards and messages. Yeah. That was very nice, and much appreciated.

Otherwise, fugeddaboutit.

Tomorrow may suck, too. The cat might have to go to the vet if the meds I'm giving him tonight for his recurring digestive issues don't work. He's not in any distress right now (in fact, except for the evidence -- or lack thereof -- in the litter box, you'd never know things aren't fine with him), but I'm not going to let this go to the point where it hurts him or puts him at any risk.

In the meantime, my own internal organs aren't all that happy. Stress does that to me.

But that is another story I don't feel like getting into.

A note about tomorrow...

...made up, in part, of comments I have left in other journals.

First, I have decided that February 13th and 15th will each be extended by 12 hours so they meet at what would ordinarily be considered "noon" on the day in between.

And I declare the day whose date I will no longer mention as "National Make Lonely People Feel Like Shit Day."

Twelve months ago, while in something of a financial crisis, I spent everything I had (save a few bucks budgeted for cat food) on a present and flowers. This year, I am in an equally depressing state money-wise (thank you, Clients X, Y and Z) but have no one for whom I wish to deplete my bank account.

That should be an occasion for feeling some relief, but it isn't. Nothing would make me happier than to be rolling pennies to buy gifts for the one I love. Even though she no longer gives a damn about me....

I've been reading that a study conducted in Greece suggests that taking an after-lunch siesta reduces the risk of catastrophic medical problems.

I may try an extended siesta tomorrow. One that lasts until, say, Thursday.

And that's the way it is tonight, fellow babies....

The next time we see mushroom clouds...

...you can thank the wacked-out lefties to whom George Bush, political whore extraordinaire, is now kowtowing.

The New York Times -- which has never met an appeaser it didn't like -- is crowing that Bush is finally taking its advice and is talking to the North Koreans instead of threatening them.

It, like other liberal media and politicians, hails today's "agreement" with North Korea. If only we talk, hold hands and sing "kumbaya," all will be well.

So I thought, just for the hell of it, I'd check out what the North Korean News Agency had to say about the "step toward peace" taken today. I have added boldface emphasis to the comments for the few lefties who read what I say....

Beijing, February 13 (KCNA) -- The third phase of the fifth round of the six-party talks took place in Beijing from February 8 to 13.

The talks that proceeded in a sincere atmosphere discussed the ways of denuclearizing the Korean Peninsula.

At the talks the parties decided to offer economic and energy aid equivalent to one million tons of heavy fuel oil in connection with the DPRK's temporary suspension of the operation of its nuclear facilities.

And the DPRK and the United States agreed to solve their pending issues and kick off the bilateral talks aimed at opening full diplomatic ties.

At the just-concluded talks the parties agreed to have the sixth round of the six-party talks in the future.

In other words, we gave away the store again, just as Bubba Clinton did when he signed a "treaty" with the North Koreans.

We never learn. Sometimes, the way to solve problems does not involve bribery and give-aways to buy "peace." It requires a will to impose honest behavior on the other side.

Which, once again, we have not done.

Theodore Roosevelt was famous for suggesting that we needed to "speak softly and carry a big stick." Today, George Bush -- and Nancy Pelosi, John Murtha, Teddy Kennedy, John Kerry and the rest of the blind fools in Washington -- have spoken softly with no desire to follow through with the "big stick" when necessary.

When the inevitable disaster happens, you can blame our so-called "leaders" as much as the terrorists overseas.