...and it has nothing to do with entertaining guests today...
Yes, Girl (who was sleeping on a shelf in my closet), Honey and Max dropped by again, as they often do. Naturally, the latter two spread themselves out across the bed, leaving no room for the bed's owner to rack out, which is what I really feel like doing.
The heaviest dose of fatigue came from the (usually) simple act of hunting for work. I decided to check in with a former client, one that, when last I spoke to them, had chosen to stop using freelance writers and produce everything in-house. I thought that policy might have changed.
Apparently, it has. I first called a friend who works for them. He advised me to contact the head office. I did so, and was warmly received. There seems to be a good chance they'll have some writing for me to do, though -- as I must keep reminding myself -- that is far from certain until they actually pick subjects and send out contracts.
So why do I now feel as if I've gone through the rough equivalent of a 50-mile hike? Simple: I had to make myself sound cheery, positive, and carefree. All of those things are, well, lies.
There's no doubt that I want to work for them. I'll work for anyone, particularly if they pay.* And this company was never difficult to deal with.
But it has grown profoundly difficult to present myself as Mr On-top-of-his-game. Merely watching what I say in order to present myself in the best light is wearing. Sounding as if one is begging for work can be fatal to the chances of getting any assignments.
And I sure as hell don't want to give even the slightest hint that I do not feel like writing at the moment.
It might have been different if they had immediately seized on any of the topics we discussed and ordered up a load of words from me.
When today is such a hideous mess, it's damn hard to try to focus on tomorrow.
It's probably a good thing the kittycats have the bed staked out. I feel like going to sleep and not waking until something good happens.
That could take a long time, Jim. Too long.
* The latter qualification is, alas, not being met by some current clients. I'm getting tired of getting only bills and advertising fliers in the mail, I can tell you....
58 minutes ago