Friday, December 05, 2008

Yesterday's sunset...

...looked like this...



But I didn't post it, simply because I didn't feel like writing.

I don't feel like writing tonight.

The high spot of my day? Meeting two large -- and not totally unfriendly -- raccoons while I was out walking a while ago. They trailed me for half a block or so, never getting too close but not running away, either.

I suppose I should be grateful I'm alone tonight. After all, there are only three places to sit in my miniature pad (if you don't count two spots in the bathroom and the front stoop): my office chair, kitchen chair, and the bed. Not ideal for hospitality.

And I'm mad at myself: some notes I need to complete a couple of articles are either in boxes at the storage unit (where it would take a long time to find them) or got thrown away during the worst parts of the move. They are not here, and I will have to improvise and fake my way through my writing without them. I can do it, but it bugs me.

Why, you may ask, don't I pick up the phone and reach out to friends?

Having been raised to be polite is what you might call a mixed blessing. I don't want to interrupt anyone who is having a good time, or is busy, or whatever. On the other hand, my reticence about intruding makes me invisible to people who might talk to me.

The grim feeling of isolation, of sensing that you don't exist as far as most people are concerned, of thinking you need others more than they need you, is a real downer, Jim.

Be glad you're not here tonight!

4 comments:

Birdie said...

what are friends for if you can't turn to them? huh?

P.S. it looks like I might be flying over again on Jan. 1.... this time no excuses, you hear me? *stomps foot*

Birdie said...

P.P.S. That picture is AWESOME!! you could sell it to a post card company!

DAL said...

So call. Jeez.

Anonymous said...

Oh, God bless you, whoever you are. I stumbled across your blog today -- via a comment on Althouse from someone who had a blogroll linking to you -- and have spent the entire day thinking about you and praying for you. I can't tell you how much your story has affected me. I am SO sorry the newspapers and magazines and publishing business in general are dying. You seem like a good writer -- wonder if I'd know your name??? -- caught in the middle of a terribly wrenching upheaval of the economy and technology.

I'm leaving this comment here on an older post because I only want you to see it. I just want you to know that another human being out there is pulling for you.

Did you ever see the movie "Cast Away"? If you did, go rent it and watch it again. If you didn't, go get it. Just keep breathing; you never know what the tides will wash in. Seriously.

And please, please, seek Jesus. He is reaching for you even though I know you can't feel it right now. I'm more sure of this than of the fact that I'm alive and typing this. Please, ask Him to show Himself to you, ask Him to be merciful to you. Know that He suffered, too. He loves you more than you can imagine.

You will be in my prayers every day.