Saturday, March 14, 2009

Just shoot my tired, aging ass now, okay?

I've been looking for things to cheer me up today, and they've been in pretty damn short supply. If I didn't mark the passage of time by the frequency of bills coming in -- and by the scarcity of spondulics in the piggy bank when checks are late, which some are again -- I could mark it by the encroachment of gray on head and beard.

PARENTHETICAL FOLLICULARY ORIENTED THOUGHT: Hell, when I don't shave every day, the beard looks as if it'd be white now if I hadn't mowed the sucker off, which is yet another reason I'm glad I did it.

So what has driven me farther into despair and thoughts of impending -- and immediate -- senescence? you ask.

And I say, why, since you ask, it was this happy little article in the UK Daily Mail.

For those too lazy to click the link, I append the first three paragraphs:

Old age is often blamed for causing us to misplace car keys, forget a word or lose our train of thought.

But new research shows that many well-known effects of ageing may start decades before our twilight years.

According to scientists, our mental abilities begin to decline from the age of 27 after reaching a peak at 22.


Isn't that cheery? I've been sinking like a bloody stone for decades, all the while thinking I hadn't yet reached my peak.

Ah, but it gets even better, in a concluding paragraph that rips the scab right off the wound:

There is some good news, though. The report states that abilities based on accumulated knowledge, such as performance on tests of vocabulary or general information, increase until at least the age of 60.

Yeah, right. "Good news," says the reporter, no doubt some snooty little Brit who hasn't yet reached the age where wrinkles, gray hairs and other manifestations of decay start hitting with the impact of a thousand white-hot needles.

I got less than 13 months before the brain shuts down, friends and neighbors.

Give 'em a call down at the old glue factory, someone, and tell 'em I'm on my way....

10 comments:

John0 Juanderlust said...

Why so upset? What you don't know won't hurt you, and what you don't remember, you don't know.

MrScribbler said...

JohnOJuan -- I'm afraid I'll remember that I forgot, even if I forget what I remember.

Ramsey said...

13 month's? guess i will be glue b-4 you! been noticing that i'm beginning not to care where i'm at when the urg to release flatulence occurs. oops! it just slipped out!!!

mag said...

Am I supposed to be thrilled that I have 6 more years of this misery before I can start to forget it?

Kimmywoo said...

Crap, that means I'm over the hill. Thanks for that Scrib!;p

wildstorm said...

So that explains it all!

gillardia said...

I say you can't believe everything you read. Yeah, that's it...

Gill

TheGreekTrader said...

Dude relax and have a RockHard Weekend. www.hwplabs.com

go there and get a free pill. I did and it kicks butt

Anonymous said...

From there, make sure that when you wager with an online casino that you know exactly what you are doing. The biggest mistake that you could possibly make would be to place bets on games that you are unsure of. For example, if you want to play blackjack at an online casino but do not know how, make sure you get some details first. If you do not, you are doing the equivalent of throwing your money out the window. The bottom line is that you can never win at an online casino if you do not know the rules of the games that you are going to play.
[url=http://www.casinolesoleil.com]online casino[/url] http://www.casinolesoleil.com casino If you want to have the fun of a casino without leaving home, online casinos can be just as exciting and as hopefully profitable as brick and mortar casinos. Whether your new to internet gambling, just need a refresher, or are looking to maximize your profits, our short guide can help you get started!
[url=http://www.redlotuscasino.com]casino[/url] http://www.redlotuscasino.com casino Betting is still very much present, even when playing online casinos. You will be required to place your money on an account, and this will be transferred to the winner via PayPal or Neteller. So before handing in cash, check out the website, first! If they have more members and a good reputation, you can almost be assured that you get your moneys worth. Make sure that before downloading any of software an online casino is offering, there has to be test run of the product first. You have to be able to play for free before you download the software, since this may help in protecting you from fraud in the end. An example of this software is the Cryptologic, is safe and can be trusted, since it is listed in the Nasdaq. [url=http://www.triumphcasino.com]casino[/url] http://www.triumphcasino.com casino http://www.affrewards.com [url=http://www.affrewards.com]casino affiliate program[/url] Bingo is a beautiful game of luck, which involves patience, rapid coordination between hearing and searching out the numbers and lots of fun. [url=http://www.bingokisses.com]bingo[/url] [url=http://www.bingoeuphoria.com]bingo[/url] bingo bingo http://www.bingokisses.com http://www.bingoeuphoria.com Your aim would be to cover the prescribed pattern with the bingo letters, by coordinating the letters and numbers called. The patterns can be anything like, u shape, t shape, etc, though it usually is horizontal or vertical. As soon as you get the pattern, you should shout bingo and you get the prize. In case there are others who shouted at the same time as you, the prize will be shared among all winners.
http://www.casinolesoleil.com http://www.redlotuscasino.com http://www.triumphcasino.com http://www.bingokisses.com http://www.bingoeuphoria.com http://www.pulsebet.com http://www.affrewards.com http://www.thehighrollerclub.com
http://www.buyphentermine1.com [url=http://www.buyphentermine1.com]phentermine[/url] http://www.norxbuy.com buy phentermine

Anonymous said...

These online sports betting become widely patronized especially among the global masses. Since the globe contains a huge number of masses compared to the other two social statuses, the online sports betting is pouring a lot of money compared to Las Vegas - the betting capital of the world. [url=http://www.pulsebet.com/bg/]bet online[/url] [url=http://www.pulsebet.com/da/]bet online[/url] [url=http://www.pulsebet.com/de/]bet online[/url] [url=http://www.pulsebet.com/es]apuestas[/url] [url=http://www.pulsebet.com/fr/]jouer en ligne[/url] [url=http://www.pulsebet.com/gr]bet online[/url] [url=http://www.pulsebet.com/jp]bet online[/url] [url=http://www.pulsebet.com/nl]bet online[/url] [url=http://www.pulsebet.com/pl]bet online[/url] [url=http://www.pulsebet.com/pt]bet online[/url] [url=http://www.pulsebet.com/ro]bet online[/url] [url=http://www.pulsebet.com/ru]bet online[/url] [url=http://www.pulsebet.com/se]bet online[/url] [url=http://www.pulsebet.com/it]bet online[/url] [url=http://www.pulsebet.com/cn]bet online[/url] Next to the line for each type of bet, you will see the odds which are the chances of the team wining the bet and how much money you will win in relation to how much you bet. The (-110) indicates that the sportsbook is charging a 10% commission on these bets. That means that you will have to risk $11 for every $10 you want to win. This is the sportsbook's profit. http://www.pulsebet.com/bg/ http://www.pulsebet.com/da/ http://www.pulsebet.com/de/ http://www.pulsebet.com/es/ http://www.pulsebet.com/fr/ http://www.pulsebet.com/gr/ http://www.pulsebet.com/jp/ http://www.pulsebet.com/nl/ http://www.pulsebet.com/pl/ http://www.pulsebet.com/pt/ http://www.pulsebet.com/ro/ http://www.pulsebet.com/ru/ http://www.pulsebet.com/se/ http://www.pulsebet.com/it/ http://www.pulsebet.com/cn/