Where will it all end?

Anyone who knows me can tell you I love animals. Really. Particularly cats and dogs, of course, but I also have an affinity for raccoons, skunks -- at least deodorized skunks -- and various birds and assorted other critters.

Of course I have been known to eat a few animals, too. Cows, pigs, sheep, reindeer and doubtless a few others I can't recall off the top of my head. Birds, too.

This makes me the Enemy according to PETA. But my leather shoes and belts would do that even if I limited my grazing to fruits, grains and vegetables. So would the hood of my parka, which is lined with coyote fur.

So why do I bring this up, particularly when the majority of you share the same vices? It's because PETA, not content to protect the rights of kittycats, doggies, horsies and other pets animal companions, has launched a new campaign.

They are up in arms about the mistreatment of fish -- as exemplified by fishing -- and have decided the best way to get our yoots in tune with the true goodness of our finned, gilled and scaled friends is to give them a new name:

Sea Kittens.

Yup. Who could be mean to a cute, cuddly sea kitten?

A website has been launched to extol the virtues of these lovable beings.

Here are the first lines from their explanation: "People don't seem to like fish. They're slithery and slimy, and they have eyes on either side of their pointy little heads—which is weird, to say the least. Plus, the small ones nibble at your feet when you're swimming, and the big ones—well, the big ones will bite your face off if Jaws is anything to go by.

Of course, if you look at it another way, what all this really means is that fish need to fire their PR guy—stat."

To quote the immortal Redd Foxx: "You expect me to believe this sh*t?"

The site goes on to deliver some "Sea Kitten Facts," including: "Like their surface-dwelling cousins, the land kittens, sea kittens enjoy being petted."

There are cute drawings, cute stories, cute "sea kitten" paraphernalia for kids' mommies and daddies to buy, actions they can take (like teaching sea kittens to sing "Kumbayah"?) to stop the depredations visited on out little underwater buddies.

Un-be-freekin'-lievable.

I hardly know what to say, except I'm beginning to jones for a tuna sandwich* right about now....

No matter what, I'm not petting any damn sea kitten fish. No way.

* Dolphin-safe tuna, of course, preferably free-range raised!